Just when I think she gets it...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Just when I think she gets it...
19
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 11:04am

It's starting to look like Sunday is the day for arguments, maybe I should start to schedule them.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 1:49pm

your right she needs to start fixing things herself not blaming anyone else. Acceptance starts within. Im sorry your sundays are argument days. Ours is on Friday if thats any constellation.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2009
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 3:26pm

On a positive note, at least she does feel shame because of what's she's done.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2008
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 7:38pm
May I gently remind you of your last post? "If there's something that really concerns me I'll no longer bite my tongue and go along to get along." She's wants you to lie so that she can save face? When will she begin to protect your feelings and allow you to feel safe in your relationship?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 9:01am
Thanks for the reminder, and I didn't bite my tongue.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 9:18am

Hi thinkingman, It still sounds like she doesn't want to accept responsibility for her actions. Now you are supposed to blame the AP? He may be a "snake in the grass" but your W made the choice to have the A with him.

Stand firm thinkingman! Strength to you!

Ollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 12:54pm

Oh yes, and she's making progress in owning all that.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 8:55pm
you hit the nail on the head.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 2:13am
NOTHING you did - or didn't do - is the REASON she cheated.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 9:53pm

Dude, I'm sorry to hear this.

Don't bite. My spouse simply states, "I made a big mistake." That does two things. It allows people to move on from the subject and it comforts me to know that she's taking ownership for her actions.

Look, my neighbor works for one of those "rehab for the stars" places. When I asked him if the Olsen Twins are in town or if Lindsay Lohan is back in town, he just smiles. But he clearly has worked with these sort of folks.

I think the only thing he has ever shared about that place that really stuck for me is that he tells people, "It's amazing what people will forgive." "But people rarely forgive people who divert blame or try to justify themselves."

The stuff he has shared that people have done to their families are far worse than my experience. And yet when these folks come clean and honestly work on repairing their lives, their families and friends very often welcome them back with open arms.

Dude, this isn't good news. Again. I'm sorry.

Thomas

I have 5 kids ages 16-10. Our D Day was August, 2008.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 6:45pm

She's really come off that position and that's a good thing.


Right now I'm noticing things about me.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

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