I can relate.
when your life partner disrespects you by cheating it is a type of hurt and pain that is truly devastating.
it is not like a best friend hurting your feelings - it is a true betrayal of someone you loved to the bone. someone you married and chose to spend the rest of your life with. someone you dreamt of building a future with, someone you conceived a child/children with. someone you trusted your very body with. someone you shared your body and fantasies with.
there is no greater feeling, in my personal opinion, than momentarily waking in the middle of the night and feeling the warmth and safety of your life partner. that is a feeling that is most hard to describe. it is a feeling that can lull you back to sleep in a most restful manner. i get that, i understand that, and i MISS THAT. and so i can relate to how you are feeling when you describe the loss. BUT, please know that if and when you decide to reunite physically you may find yourself bouncing from pure bliss to nausea. initially upon finding out i, for whatever reason, went into this sex craze mode. i could not get enough. i guess, truth be told, i was attempting to validate my own prowess in the sex department. hell bent on showing him just how dam* good i was between the sheets. and then, that faded and in its place came a feeling of 'not wanting to be touched in that way'. the mind chatter, the friggin mind chatter it drove me crazy. the pictures of them together. the playing of the words in their emails to each other over and over again in my mind of 'how great it was between the 2 of them, how "she was the only woman he wanted to -, and -, and-". GAG ME WITH A SPOON.
so prepare yourself, you may be able to move beyond this. however, i would HIGHLY recommend that you and he have a real heart to heart about the entire bedroom, and sexual situations that are sure to arise. IF, you are feeling sad - tell him. IF, you are feeling overwhelmed with thoughts of them - tell him. IF, you simply need to be held with no sex involved - tell him. IF you are feeling insecure - tell him. OPEN AND COMPLETELY HONEST CONVERSATIONS. he needs to get it, he needs to understand what you are going thru. if you do not have such conversations with him he will be in the dark, wondering, worrying WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?
remember to take time for you mommy, remember there is more to you than mommy or wife. remember there is a YOU inside of that body - and that YOU needs to be loved and feel loved by the most important person of all YOU. you must learn to love you, and to put you first. then and only then will you feel you are valued and worthy. none of us can find validation in others. it must come from within. i hope that makes some sense.
i so wish you every happiness. you are worthy and deserving. NEVER FORGET THAT.