Letting go, or backslide imminent?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Letting go, or backslide imminent?
10
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 9:29am

It was one of those weekends, one in which every little bit I'd inadvertently done something that annoyed W.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2009
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 10:34pm
If she does not want to stay...open the door
She seems to be trying to play the victim and is staying just for you..... She has to feel
she wants to stay for herself. Her dreams of xap all happy and bright and I guess the nite mares are with you in them....really?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 11:47am
Thanks for your feedback. Sorry I've been slow to respond, I've had some issues with iV the last couple of days for some reason. W asked for the reconciliation and continues to say she's glad the A fell apart before it was too late, but it's possible she's still discovering that I'm not what she wants. At this point I'm strong enough to know I'll be sad but OK if the M ends. If there's another A it will be over. Immediately.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 4:14pm
I think it points to what you already know - she's deeply troubled, that's why they cheat in the first place, they're just very unhappy with themselves somehow.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 7:10pm
Thanks Myradorn. You've heard it from the beginning and know the whole story. The really wants to be--and often IS--the most wonderful, selfless, caring person you can imagine. Then these insecurities creep in, and with it some sort of need for chaos, as if making people prove how much they care is a good thing. C'est la Vie.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 3:43am

I was at a similar point about six months ago. What came of it was that I wanted her to do the work now. I was sick of being the leader in the rebuilding. I arranged for very expensive joint therapy sessions and made her pay for it and made her do most of the talking and pointed out to both her and the therapist why we were there during the sessions and then tried to keep my mouth shut as much as possible.

Results: Not fully what I wanted, but better. Individual therapy is for us, joint therapy is about fixing the other person. Sometimes that's not entirely a bad thing.

Sending good vibes.

Thomas

I have 5 kids ages 16-10. Our D Day was August, 2008.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2008
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 12:46pm

Hi TM -- was the affair falling apart by her choice, OM's or both?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 1:22pm

Hi thinkingman,


*sigh*


I do believe that WSs are some of the most messed up people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 5:33pm

zb, the A ended because AP's W found out and he chose her over the A.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2009
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 11:19am

You can't control what she chooses to do--you know this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 8:06pm
the pushing the envelope thing is a great description myradorn
I am just really realizing that these years I have been rebuilding I have put my happiness on the back burner for him and my son
while he kept pushing the envelope how come I could not see this before, it should have been him
oh he was here alright but complaining and being miserable most of the time and looking for excuse after excuse to ditch this
thank you - reading this helped me