Light @ The End of The Tunnel

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2012
Light @ The End of The Tunnel
4
Sun, 07-15-2012 - 9:13am
Each new day becomes easier when you are BOTH working at it. I came to the conclusion....Do I want us to work? Do I love him? Do I want the OW/Friend to have all this power over me? Yes! Yes! Absolutely NOT! I'm not going to say I don't have my days of depression, or sadness, but each new day I am gaining strength not only in myself, but in our relationship. I celebrated my birthday on July 4th, which was difficult for me at the same time just knowing he texted the ow/friend over 100 times this day last year, but I managed to accept it, process it, mourn it, and move forward. This will be my approach to each holiday, or special occasion that I have difficulty with when approaching for the 1st time. Then, I want to re-create memories with my husband together. But I will admit that first time is very hard. Needless to say, my husband purchased me a stand up punching bag with gloves for my birthday because I have been super big into kickboxing for several years. I think he FINALLY bought it for me because I had so much anger built up towards the OW/Friend that I needed another outlet to get my aggression out. I was completely prepared to paste her picture all over it, but something "clicked" in my head. For whatever reason, I tore up all 50 pictures I had of her and threw them away in the basket. I told my husband that I didn't need to paste her picture up any more because I have a clear image of her already in my mind. A complete feeling of peace came over me and I can't express how "free" I finally felt. Not to say I don't know what my reaction would be if I ran into her somewhere. But as long as she keeps her distance from me there won't be any problems (I told her husband). I don't need to go to jail, nor is she worth me going to jail for assault. Do I trust my husband? Hell no. Trust is something earned! I have learned my lesson in life and due to the fact I was betrayed by both my husband and friend, I have my guard up and trust no one until they have proven worthy of it! It doesn't mean I'm a bitch towards them, or won't hang out with them. It just means I'm looking out for me! And putting me 1st in my life! (I don't have children, otherwise they would be #1!) :0) Of course..."Will he do it again?" will stay embedded in a part of my head, but at the same time, I have enough strength to say..."I can't live my life everyday wondering "If." Should this happen again, I'm strong, independent and prepared to show him the door and sign the papers because I am a better person than that! I can only take his word...."I have been through hell and caused you so much pain that I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you." Only time will tell, but in the meantime he is firmly aware that there are no second chances, and we are working on us. Love is a funny thing...We Love, We Hurt, We Love Again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2012
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 6:04pm
Thanks Pater, It was a crazy situation, almost like a soap opera. It really hit home to a lot of insecurities I had picked up during the marraige. I do have a lot of good to focus on and H isn't doing anything wrong and trying to do everything right.
I am wokring and it is good to know I have a long road ahead of me. So I shouldn't be discouraged, I am on the path.

Thank you agin for the words of encouragement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2011
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 5:55pm

Congrats Vocals! Glad you have found peace within yourself and strength to ground you! I'm still working on it - there are good days and bad days but I notice that the bad days are fewer, I obsess less and even when I feel the need to check up on DH, my fears are unfounded. I hope to get to the end of the tunnel soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2012
Re: Light @ The End of The Tunnel
Sun, 07-29-2012 - 10:15am
The End Of January 2012 I discovered my husbands unfaithfulness to me thanks to Facebook. It had been going on for a year and a half! Believe me...I still have my days....like today I catch my mind wandering to her and thinking of what I can do to make her life a living hell. Thank God I found this board too help me when I have those "not so good feelings." At least I can try to become distracted.

I wish I could give you an answer because I'm still drifting at times. I am getting better and hope to feel happier with each passing day. I try to keep my head screwed on right but damn it's hard. i think I am doing a pretty good job right now, but I certainly can fall.

I just wish I didn't know and/or was friends with the bitch he decided to screw around with because that makes it even harder for me not to text her when I am having a breakdown.

It's not easy...but I have to build myself up again and know what a good person I am who didn't deserve any of this!! And so are YOU! It's o.k. to fall now and then, but it takes much more to get back up! I pray every day that I don't fall too hard!