Manipulation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Manipulation?
15
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 10:07am
Here's my question.. how do you know if you are being manipulated? If the words your WS tells you are sincere? I can't tell when my H expresses remorse if he is sincere. He did come from a home where feelings were not expressed or taken seriously. Is he broken w/out any hope of learning to get in touch w/his emotions? Will he ever be able to tell me what he's feeling or will he always act out? Can he ever feel true remorse or get in touch w/his conscience? This is so scary for me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lizzie2009
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 7:46pm

Lizzie, I can't answer your questions. I know people have to want to change for it to happen. Whether or not your DH can do that and express himself honestly is a better question for his therapist.

Thinking of you. I hope you guys have a good weekend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
In reply to: lizzie2009
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 8:31pm

I guess you're right. I told him that if he didn't want to be married that was ok. I wasn't afraid to be alone; that I've been alone emotionally and spiritually for the past 3 yrs. and I'm fine. This really cut him to the core. i think he's scared of my independence.

You have a nice weekend, too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
In reply to: lizzie2009
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 9:56pm

lizzie,


me again, i just answered your other post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
In reply to: lizzie2009
Sun, 03-22-2009 - 12:55am
IMO it happens VERY slowly.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
In reply to: lizzie2009
Sun, 03-22-2009 - 9:14pm
Thank you everyone! I have shown him all these posts and he agrees w/all. He especially liked what Carol wrote. I think he is beginning to gain some insight into the destructiveness of affairs. He knows if he doesn't change , he will lose me.He is worried that I will never trust him again and I told him if he remains committed to therapy and shows me by his actions not his words that he is faithful, I can trust him again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2009
In reply to: lizzie2009
Mon, 03-23-2009 - 9:04am
I think when they are manipulating other people they are manipulating themselves as well so may not be aware of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
In reply to: lizzie2009
Mon, 03-23-2009 - 12:21pm
I think that's very true.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
In reply to: lizzie2009
Mon, 03-23-2009 - 7:06pm
Thank you Myra. You are right, it takes time especially the 2nd time around. He has said that it's all his fault ( something he did not say the 1st time) and he is committed to therapy this time around. It has only been 10 days since I found out the 2nd time, so we have a long way to go. He is also reading books on infidelity this time to better educate himself. Also, he said he will see my therapist so she can judge his sincerity. I guess time will tell.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2009
In reply to: lizzie2009
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 11:40am

Hi Lizzie,


I just found this on the web and thought it might help: http//www.rickross.com/reference/brainwashing/brainwashing11.html ,or Google emotionally needy people and it should be about the third choice; it will say rickross.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
In reply to: lizzie2009
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 12:11pm

It's been rough, but my H had a good session w/his therapist today and he's beginning to understand how his childhood contributed to his behavior. He is a child of Holocaust survivors and feels guilt for all that he has accomplished in his life ,so he acts out in destructive ways as he doesn't feel he deserves anything after what his parent's went thru.. Also, he was never socialized as a kid and never developed coping skills. It's all pretty sad.

thanks for the website- I'll check it out.

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