Is MC needed immediately?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Is MC needed immediately?
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 1:44pm

H is bipolar. It was disruptive before, but liveable (Never diagnosed, just knew from the docs I talked to & knowing it is what killed his mother & uncle). Then he had a bad reaction to Zoloft last June & has been unstable ever since. It became really crazy in Sep 5th. On Sep 8th is when his 'friend' (psychologist with a 20yr grudge) 3-way called him & the OW. Sep 10/11th is when the EA began as they started talking 10+ hrs at a time (turns out, after trying to commit suicide in H apartment she too is bipolar & was in mania).

Oct 5th I took H to the ER. Even though he was wearing pants too large (due to the 20+ lbs lost during mania), with no underwear, ripping tubes out of his arms, spraying blood everywhere, running around the hospital with his pants falling down & showing much pubic hair & top of scrotum, they released him. That is, after intraveniously giving him a drug which should have dropped his blood pressure, it didn't, as the drug only increased the mania & put him into psychosis. (H was told later by a psychiatrist who requested his hospital records he should have never been released with that much of the drug, he should not have even been able to walk.)

...anyway this is the night I ended up taking H to the airport to meet this OW. Never experinced psychosis before & completely confused as to what was going on. So I took him. This is after he had me talk to the OW & she tell me I was shallow for trying to keep him as he is not happy here & she is deep b/c she is giving him what he wants & then he takes the phone, looks at me straight in the eye & says to OW, 'I don't know what to do, I'm in love with a woman who is not my wife.' So I took him to the airport & repeated to myself, 'if you love him set him free, if he comes back it was meant to be.'

On Oct 6th his work lead me to believe he had been fired, turns out he wasn't as it cannot be done through me so we were able to get his job back but he was put on family medical leave.

In late Nov a psychiatric nurse put H on a low dosage of anti-psychotics. In early Dec he finally became brave enough to try to check himself into the hospital, but due to the drug already somewhat working they did not feel the need to check him in, but did increase his dosage by 8. A week later he was home.

He started working a week ago & this has helped, but he is not yet himself. The earliest he could see a psychiatrist (beyond the one at the ER & the one his work had him go to before allowing him back & doesn't actually practice) is on Feb 28th. At which time he should be put onto a stablizer & possibily anti-depressants. It will take 4-6w for them to really take effect. (Around April)

H's work has made it quite clear they do not want him there any longer & has reminded him often he is now on final written notice & can be easily fired. So the goal is to get enough paycheck stubs to refinance our house to incorporate the 10K debt he accrued from Oct-Nov. Then he'll look for a new job. (Hopefully all done by April.)

I'm currently taking a 12 week course on mental illness. This takes me out of the house 1 night a week. H will not put our kids to bed yet (trying to keep his stress level down) so they are up until 9:30ish until I get home. They are not used to me going out & I already think 1 night a week is hard enough. Boy 3yrs, Girl 13mos. (Classes end April 5)

We already had one session, did not go well. We had to cancel the one for this week as it was during work hours & H fears asking his work to leave early (especially since they now make him check-in & check-out with somebody everyday).

Do you think it would be ill-adviced to wait until April to really began our MC? I think we'd have better results of H is in a more stable mind. I did buy the 7 principles of marriage during the EA, maybe we can start working the book & wait on MC???

What do you think?


"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 2:06pm

With all of that I don't think your husband should go anywhere near a MC. He can barely get himself out of bed and to his job. What you have now is a 24/7 nursing job plus all your responsibilities at home, I am wondering who is taking care of you?

Be careful of a house refi, you might be biting off much more debt to pay off that 10K.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2005
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 8:12pm

Hi Bonnie, I would say that right now there maybe too much going on for mc. He needs to be in a better place to handle what is going on with him. I would suggest maybe IC for you on how to deal with all of this. You need to try to remember to take care of you!.


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