My anger is destroying our family!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2012
My anger is destroying our family!
3
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 2:26am
So my fiancee and i have been through our fair share of ups and downs! During my pregnancy he would go out with his friends behind my back, text other women and hd just went through a period of not knowing what he wanted in life. He even quit his job, many things; long story. Well i havent been able to get over all the lies, constant separations and cheating. I had the feeling for a very long time since he would always have his phone locked and seemed nervous whenever he was on his email or facebook account.. he always chaged the subject whenever i would ask him for his password. One day i checked his phone and found messages from 2 different women. Ever since then i feel like my anger keeps getting worse and worse. We've tried making it work many times but it always seem to go back to the constant arguing and i exppress it in a very hateful way. I mean constant! Like 24/7! I can't seem to control it! We want to go to therapy but we cannot afford it! My anger and pain seem to be getting bigger instead of smaller! & with every argument things seem to get worse and worse. We love each other but it seems imppossible to try to make it work! We could be having a great day when all of a sudden my brain starts thinking about the past and why would he hurt me if he loved me and so on just sooo much for me to handle that i eventually let it out. I'm always cranky and my fiancees feels like he's walking on eggshells all the time! Anything sets me off! I really neeadvice from all the hurt people out there! Please! ! Everything starts my imagination rolling with the anger pain guilt frustration! We have a 9 month baby and its just very hard! Were struggling both financially and emocionally! Please help from anyone out thereon how to deal and move on!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 11:57am
Mg- sorry that you have found your way here. A place not a one of us wished to be! My very first thought about your heading is this. YOU are not destroying your family. Your fiancé is. You have every right to feel angry. Betrayel is painful and selfish. Your anger is completely justified and until HE takes necessary action to mend your broken bridges, your anger will remain as your bridge remains in pieces. Trust once lost is so hard to get back. It takes minute by minute effort on the WS part, doing anything and everything to help assuage your fears, help you to feel safe and secure and protected from further harm. If he is still hiding things, he isn't doing what needs to be done.

Like Ollie, I too used my anger for productivity. I had plenty of days where I wallowed in self pity and doubt, those days I was useless. You can only control yourself. You can carve out paths for your future or you can continue to let your fiance carve them for you. As a mother you know that you are responsible for that little person who loves you and relies on you for safety and security. Think of you and what you want and need to be happy in your life. A relationship takes so much more than love. It takes an unselfish commitment and it sounds like your fiancé just isn't there yet.

You deserve every happiness. Don't settle, don't sell yourself short. Where there is will there is a way. You are much stronger than you realize.

Take care
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 7:49am

Hugs,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 3:38am
You could try couples counseling. But it sounds like you just have too much anger, mistrust and resentment towards him to make this work. Too much water under the bridge so to speak. Once this stuff is all built up in you it's real hard to get rid of. In the end you may be better off moving on without him.