My heart keeps breaking

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2006
My heart keeps breaking
2
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 1:34pm
My boyfriend and I have been together for the past 4 years. I love him more than I have ever dreamed of loving anyone, and I know, despite all the bs, that he loves me deeply too. He has cheated on me twice since we have been together, and I have tried to forgive him. He is like my best friend and we have always had the type of relationship where we could be honest with each other. After I found out about his betrayl, I decided to stop snooping and looking for things to be mad about. he said that I would never be able to fully trust him, and he is right. the other day I found some pictures of 2 teenaged girls, fully clothed on his computer. i remembered seeing the girls in his neighborhood, and immediately decided that he was sleeping with them. when he came home I asked about the pictures and he started laughing and saying that I was crazy. Why, he said, would he be messing around with little girls. They simply used the camera to put pictures on myspace.com. After having lent my little sister my camera to do the same thing, I guess it made a little sense to me. Anyway, he got upset that I didn't trust him (we go through this every time), and decided that he needs a break from me. We have done this several times and always get back together after a week or so. We are supposed to be leaving for a vacation in June and i just want things to be better by then. Right now I am crying and struggling to get through the day without him. I know he cheats, but he takes care of me and when things are good, they are great. what should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 3:20pm

Do you want a healthy relationship? do you want to have trust again? Obviously the answer is yes to both of these questions. Here are a few good books to start with. "after the affair", "not just friends" and "surviving infidelity". Read them, make sure your boyfriend reads them to.

To just forgive is not fixing the relationship. Your boyfriend has to earn your trust back. If he doesn't fix himself (my opinion) he will cheat again. There are different reasons why a person chooses to cheat, your boyfriend needs to figure out his reason. You can't do it for him. Counseling is a must. I have been married for 11 yrs now and my husband has cheated on me for the first time in our 15 yrs. If it wasn't for these boards I would have never figured out the REAL underlying reason why people cheat. It's not just a "mistake". I'll never do it again. There is so much more to it. best wishes, tea

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 2:53pm
Would you be happy if this was the rest of your life?? Can you imagine this rollercoaster forever??? I know the love you speak of I have a husband who makes me crazy and a two year old I'd die for (notice I didnt say I'd die for my husband). What do you need to be happy its your life, no one eles's!!! I'm thinking of that song" This is your life, its who YOU want to be." Well, is this person you are who you want to be and have people see you being? I know how you feel my husband of 7 years cheated on me twice, the first time he had sex with a girl not even a month after my son was born, the second time practically dated her for three weeks. I know I'm seeing this from the outside but, I know that stupidity in your head, I saw pictures on my husbands phone of both girls so I know the visual torment your going through. Dont rely on him to who you are, you be who you want to be and he'll be apart or not. I lived on the teeter tot for a month then said" this is who I am, this is what I need and want can you give me these things? Before you ask be ready to hear what will scare you the most. Good luck!! Don you go to church???