My new counselor says........

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
My new counselor says........
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 8:33pm

82% percent of first time marriages are affected by some sort of an affair.... HMMMMM intersting. Have you heard that statistic?

She also said that once you rebuild your marriage these marriages are so rock solid it's impossible to break....hmmm I like the sound of that

So far she is great. Assertive like me, opinionated like me, catholic like me, I like that. I didn't see a very sensitive side "yet" but it was my first appointment. One more thing she said, you and your husband sound like you don't need a year of counseling you have come a long way "I believe I can help you get thru this in a short time". She had suggestions right off the bat. I go back in 3 weeks due to husband's surgery.

I am still feeling very happy and great. Husband has been VERY loving maybe it's the planned crisis we are in. But this man is thanking me every hour he has been very appreciative. Happy new year because I definately plan on having a better year than last year. Tea

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 7:38am


Glad to hear you have found a great counselor!
And, wow, interesting info. It's encouraging
about what she had to say about rebuilt marriages.
I hope 2006 brings better times for all of us too! :)


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 12:14pm
Thanks Mary, this is actually our 3rd counselor or should i say my third. The first one I loved but I couldn't get into someone immediately under our insurance plan so after awhile I couldn't afford to see him anymore and went to someone under our insurance plan. She was the second one, she was very passive and just not enough for me. I did my 15 visits that my insurance allowed and made a choice not to continue with her because my husband was seeeing her to as his IC. So I searched for a third one and I am crossing my fingers that this is a good one. She is under my insurance plan.
One also thing was retrouvaille, we did that and found it very very helpful. best wishes tea
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 8:23am

"She also said that once you rebuild your marriage these marriages are so rock solid it's impossible to break....hmmm I like the sound of that"

I hope the above is true. I have a great deal of hope it is since I feel stronger and it seems my H is stronger so together wooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww This could be GREAT!!!

I am so happy you found someone you feel you can talk with it took me 8 before I found mine. I found there are allot of Ic & MC out there that IMO are only looking for the insurance money. The husband and wife team we are seeing now is great. We get both points of view. My h and see both of them for MC together and we alternate seeing the H & W each week for IC. I find it great to deal with them knowing they are married and seeing them work as a TEAM!!!

Boy I seem to really like that word theses days...

GO TEAM!!!! LOL Irene

Yahoo! Avatars

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 8:36am

Tea, I'm so happy for you! H and I are in the early stages of looking for a MC (we both see ICs). We have had a difficult time finding someone with a more "directive" style. My IC is very passive and that was fine for my issues, however, H and I agree we need someone with a much more "Dr. Phil" style. Your post gives me hope that we can find this person!


PS - per your request, I'll post my update ASAP, but let me just say that things are really going very well!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 9:07am

Hey Tea,

No, I had not heard that particular statistic, but I knew that A's were very prevalent in marriages. I guess I always hoped I'd not have to deal with it.

Glad to hear you are maintaining your positive outlook! Sounds like your new counselor is going to work well for you. Keeping my fingers crossed.

H and I haven't been to our MC since before the holidays. I had been so afraid of not going, afraid that we'd slip back, but so far so good. We're continuing to do just fine on our own. It feels so good to feel back to normal, KWIM?

bbalm...I'll be eagerly awaiting your update!

Hugs to all,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 9:08am

Looking for a counselor to get you thru an affair is SO much different than a counselor. What gets me excited about my new counselor is she has dealt with affair counseling many times and she has read the books. So I love that she is knowledgeable on the subject and seems to know the healing process. This is very important to get a couple thru this.

I love the Dr.Phil style also. A bottom line type of person. I worry about how my husband will take to this type of person. But my husband is looking forward to meeting her. Best wishes, Tea

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 9:31am
Hello Victoria, It's so good to hear from you. I am not surprised that things are still going well for you and am happy to read it. The holidays do slow things down don't they? My own husband hasn't seen his IC in over a month due to scheduling conflicts and now his surgery but I am not worried. She annoyed me anyways that I find it a blessing she was to slow for me and I feel didn't "challenge" my husband enough to THINK. Either way he is talking about changing counselors but I don't care I am not worried about that.
Best wishes to you V, sincerely Tea
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 9:44am

Tea - I've heard so many differing statistics, but the reality is they occur much more than I ever imagined! I can see why M come out stronger. I'm not entirely there yet but I notice changes in my M that will eventually lead to this.

I'm glad you have a new counselor that works so well for you. Its nice to get a good fit like that.

Best wishes for 2006. Thank God 2005 is over!