Need to find a balance???
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|Mon, 01-09-2006 - 4:16pm|
Hi, As I have said my H and I are doing really well. I find we in alot if ways are working better as a team. However, the old "me" would always go along with my h. I mean I would yes him and do anything to please him and not "rock" the boat in away I lived for him..
Since his A and after all the fence sitting I have changed in alot of ways. I feel more confident in me. I feel I understand more about what I can and will except. What I feel I need to do for me and my own self happiness. In alot of ways it has become more about me. I mean I still love him and work with him I just don't feel he has the right to have full control over "me".
I have become far more independent. I do alot more for myself then I once did. I take time for me and hang out with my friends. I am learning how to drive at the age of 33. Something my H never wanted me to do. I got into an accedent when I was 16 and never drove again.. I had given him so much control before that I would not wear things if he did not like them. I would not hang out with a friend because he wanted me home. I did not get my license because I was afraid and I knew it would upset him. I live more for me now and less to please him..
The problem is when is the balance tilted to far? How do I spead my wings yet still make him feel important?? He said to me the other night when I told him I was staring driving school on Monday the 16th (mind you I did not ask first I just went and did it because I knew he would try and talk me out of it) I would need him for nothing once I got my license!! I said to him that is never what this has been about. It is not about one of us needing the other. It is about the choice we make to love each other each day and share our life together. Our marriage should not be based on who needs what and who has more power!?!?!?!
I never want to find myself in the place I was a year and half ago. Living at his parents, no car, no savings, no emergancy plan, no one to turn to, no friends or family of my own to count on.. I need to know I will be just fine with myself able to count on myself if the bottom falls out.. I like who I am now! I like feeling safe in my own skin.. Not having my world revolve around pleasing him first and aways being last on the list!!
But how do you know if you have gone to far? How do you find the balance? When it comes to house hold things and the kids we talk about everything. It is him trying to get me to be who I once was before. I no longer want to be that person. So easy to turn over. So easy to given in to his needs. I found out during all of this I did not like her very much. I gave to much of who I was before I married to create what I thought was a perfect marriage only to be shown it was far from perfect. So Now I need to find that balance any suggestions???
Edited 1/9/2006 4:18 pm ET by nolongerhisbabygirl
Edited 1/9/2006 4:53 pm ET by nolongerhisbabygirl