When I do start trusting again ???
I'm sorry you haven't received any responsees until now, Pamom.
You asked when you should start trusting again? From what you have written your H does not deserve your trust. IMO, he is verbally and emotionally abusive. He is trying to destroy your self-esteem. I don't think you should stand for it.
Have you read the 180 rules? Please do so. I think you need to be concerned about yourself and your children. What kind of role model is he for your boys?
From what you have described, I suspect he is still involved with the OW. No man who is interested in rebuilding his M would speak to his W the way he has spoken to you.
What has this man done to earn your trust? Sounds like he is only concerned about himself, not you or the kids.