Need Some Advice in Dealing with H's Family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Need Some Advice in Dealing with H's Family.
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 5:20pm

Hi everyone,

I found out about my H's affair about 6 months ago. We've been through the good, the bad, the ugly since then and have been trying to rebuild our marriage. The *problem* I'm having at the moment is in dealing with his family - mainly his mother. She and I were very close when he and I started dating several years ago, but everything changed after he proposed. She's never been

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004


Hi. You don't have a MIL problem you have a DH problem. Get thee both to a marriage counselor pronto! Your husband doesn't even recognize his mother manipulates him. When you point it out it just confirms what she tells him - that you are manipulating him. So, he needs professional perspective. You both need help to deal with her and to strengthen your marriage. I'm betting your husband doesn't even know his mother keeps his balls in her purse. Get help to get 'em back where they belong!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
I am so sorry you have to deal with this and at a funeral no less. I know that I am dreading the first family funeral we will have because the OW was a close friend of family and it would cause more questions if she weren't there than my attitude would if she wasn't. Soooooo. While I haven't been there yet I have thought about it ALOT.

All I have for you is that you have done nothing wrong and your MIL isn't worth the effort on your end it would take to even give her a dirty look. Just rise above her (which in your case shouldn't be difficult) and be the lady you are because some days the justice is just killing them with kindness and leaving them to try to figure it out.

Good luck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009

Thank you both for your replies!

H is finally aware of what has been going on with his mother. It took a professional (we've both been to therapy, together and apart) to get him to that point - even after years of me pointing out little things (and some big things), but he understands now. I don't think he sees the full degree of her manipulation, but he has been putting plenty of distance between him and that situation for my and his benefit.

elmosmom - I think you actually helped a great deal more than you had intended. "your MIL isn't worth the effort on your end it would take to even give her a dirty look" gives me a great deal of relief! I wasn't really thinking about it that way and you are absolutely right. She has no respect for me or my marriage, and I certainly don't need people like that in my life, "family" or not - which I knew - but having someone affirm that makes it much more powerful. She is nothing but .. well, I won't go into bad words .. it's not worth the thought process. I think my plan of attack will just be to ignore her and get through it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2011


There are so many people at funeral's you can pick and choose with whom to talk.