need to VENT!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2005
need to VENT!!!!!!
7
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 11:04am

Ok so things have been going really good at home. That is until I decide I want to learn how to drive! Then my H starts with every excuss in the book why I cant. I have ignored him and gone ahead got my permit and start driving school on Monday. Well now he is in the poor me phase of things. He has had bad dreams about me meeting someone else at this class WTF!!!! Why after all I have gone through to get to a point where I can see us happy again would I do that? Not to mention I would never hurt anyone this way EVER!!! So I said to him that I know he is scared but I will be fine and I am not interested in meeting anyone else!! i thought ok he needed me to make him feel more secure... Well then he keeps it up telling me I can't wear this sweater and he is not happy with the hours of the class and on and on!! Then again with I will meet someone else and leave him crap... Well I got pissed this morning. I started to think if he keeps thinking I am going to meet someone else then is that what he would do even now knowing the pain and wedge it caused between us? Is it his own guilt talking? Or is it fear that I will do it to get even?? WTF how stupid can these men be??

The icing on the cake for me was a call from him a few minutes ago. He starts to tell me this story about a guy he used to work with. This guys wife is about to have their first child any day now. Quess what he got some OW pregnant TOO!! He was going to pay for her to have an abortion and his wife found out. Now he is telling me like I am one of the guys.... Did he forget I got to here him tell is OW how sorry he was she was not having his child?? Did he think I would think this was cool? Funny? Did this make his x co-worker a stud??? I lost it I started to tell him how bad he was making me feel. How stupid all his friends are to risk there families for anything in a skirt!! How cold and cruel it is for ANYONE to do this another human! I never liked this person or his w for that matter but my heart breaks for her!! How could he do this to her? How could my H think this was something I would want to hear? It was just the way he said it to like he was up on his high horse casting judgement on this guy!!! He was in his shoes he got lucky is all!!!! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I just don't get it. Why can't he see that somethings just hit such a painful nerve in me?? Now I am going to have to figure out away to get the sound of his voice out my head again.. The one I heard on her voice mail telling her he was sorry but they would have years together to have their child!!!

I hate set backs!!!! I want to go to bed and forget this day even started!!

Thanks for letting me vent.. Irene

Yahoo! Avatars

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2005
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 1:45pm

Irene,

You keep right on venting...but you make sure your butt is at driving class on Monday!

Your H's problem is he is scared. He's afraid he's going to lose control of you if you gain your independence. The only way you're going to combat his fear and gain your independence is to just keep your head up, eyes forward and follow through with your plans. There's not much you can say to put him at ease, you'll just have to show him by actions. Show him that you can get your license, be your own person but still be the wife he needs...just a happier wife that doesn't have a puppet strings attached to her.

He reminds me of guys who freak out about their daughters dating because they know what they were like when they were a teenage boy. He knows what he's been like out there in the real world, he knows what other guys are like and he's afraid you'll get out there and someone will come on to you and you'll fall in love with someone else or find yourself able to have an affair just like those other women his friends hook up with. KWIM?

Just keep your eyes on the prize and don't let his insecurities stop you. If you're not in counseling, maybe now would be a good time to get into some MC to help him get over his fears??

Hugs,
VLB

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2005
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 2:01pm

Thank you VLB, I have let his fear and my own fear keep me from driving for far to long! My Aunt passed away suddenly last Feb. at the age of 47. She was the only one in my family I told about my H's A. She made me promise I would get my license that I would feel better about myself once I had a bit more freedom! With all the fence sitting and day to day stuff going on plus the depression I was in I did not do it right away. She never got to see me take control of myself and my needs. My h's A changed me in many ways. Her death did the rest I think. I am no longer going to allow fear control me. I can do this I am a strong woman and I have been thru far worse then some silly driving test!! So Monday I am going to my class and I hope to have that license in my hand by Feb!!! With the money from my inheritance I also plan on buying myself a car with in the next week. I figure if I see it sitting there I will want it that much more!!!

We are in MC and I plan on talking about this on Friday. I just wish he could learn to support me.. Oh well, like you said maybe once he sees for himself he will feel better!!

Yahoo! Avatars

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2005
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 2:02pm

From time to time my H will question where I'm going and if I'm going to be around other men. He acts like he's jealous and then I just give him a look and he stops. I used to think he was crazy to think I would do something as dumb as he did. If I want out, then I tell him and leave. But then I realized its not about me, he was insecure about himself, and his A was part of that.

Most people who have As are insecure about themselves and look for validation. Your H sounds like he's one of them. Remember, it has nothing to do with YOU. WS act very selfishly to do what makes them feel better. So, your H is most likely still insecure about himself and it continues to surface. I think it made him feel better about himself that his ex co-worker is in a bad situation. He wanted to share that with you, but didn't think about how you would feel.

I'm glad to hear you're learning how to drive. He shouldn't hold you back on your personal growth. If he's smart, he would realize how your personal growth can be good for the M.

hugs,
hannah

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2005
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 3:39pm

(((((Irene)))))

I just wanted to send you some hugs today!

You go to that class on Monday and you get your license! Do it for yourself and do it for your Aunt you made that promise to. You deserve it. I want to see a post from you on Tuesday to hear how the class went... or else :)

bbalm

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2005
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 3:46pm
Thank You!!!! I will I really can't wait! HUGSSSSSS Irene
Yahoo! Avatars

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 3:48pm
I second what bbalm has said. Getting your DL license is not about him, it is about YOU! Good for you for doing this. You should be very proud of yourself. I think it is a wonderful thing you are doing.





iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2005
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 3:54pm
Thank you! I am so glad I posted this!! I needed this support! It has made me feel that much stronger. Irene
Yahoo! Avatars