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|Sun, 01-29-2006 - 1:23pm|
Hi. I've been reading this board for two weeks now...it was two weeks ago today that I found out my husband had a brief affair with someone about this time last year.
He had been friends with this woman for years, but it was long distance. She is the wife of his boss. His former boss and his wife live apart from each other. Anyway, my H and I were having a lot of problems - we weren't communicating very well, our sex life was non-existent, I was still coping with the stresses of having a new child (our daughter is now 2).
I found out about the affair while H was out of town two weeks ago for work. He was back in the area where this woman lived, and I figured, hey, they're friends. I had talked to her myself in the past and it all seemed fine. But my H and I share a laptop, and I had to go into his section to find something. I noticed his yahoo mail was up, so bad little me decided to read some of it. That's when I found the emails. They are all older, but it hit me like a brick wall. I immediately called his cell phone and asked him if he was with her. He said yes. I asked him if they had slept together. He said, 'what are you talking about?', and I told him that I knew. I could hear the fear in his voice. I started reading back to him one of the emails that I wrote. Within a day he was back home. He cried like he never has before, and I yelled and screamed at him for an hour. We talked for another four. We talked like we hadn't in years. He knows under no uncertain terms that he has to earn my trust, and that means I get to check all of his emails and phone calls.
He told me that they both knew it was a mistake. He told me they only slept together twice, which I believe because she lives so far away (17 hours). The biggest part of their relationship was the emails and IM's they shared. I read through all of it, and I believe him when he said that part of their relationship ended months and months ago. He was friends with her for years, and they wanted to get back to that 'just friends'. He also realizes now that it isn't possible.
He told me that it started because he made her feel good about herself, and he needed that to feel better about himself. He realizes that he should have been doing that to me and not her. He wants to make it up to me in the worst way, and I believe him. We have had some very frank talks, and I for some reason feel better after them.
Yes, he betrayed me. I am hurt, but I want to get past it. Believe it or not, our sex life has been incredible since I found out. Is that weird? Shouldn't I want to make him sleep on the couch or kick him out all together? Before I found out about the affair, our relationship was really great - we worked out our issues and we felt really good about where we were headed. Quite frankly, I don't want that to end. He lets me have my bad days and he answers any questions I have. He is extremely remorseful. We start MC on Tuesday, and I really feel good about our future. Is it too soon to feel this way?