Not sure I handled this in the best way
Find a Conversation
|Wed, 02-01-2006 - 4:13pm|
I check H's email periodically just to make sure no contact has been made with/by OW. As a reminder, it has been about 2 months since he ended things with her and went NC and things have been really good between us. They still both work at the same company, but their depts have little interaction... until now.
OW sent him an email yesterday (and CC'd others who were involved) concerning a very small project they are all involved in together. The initial email from her was strictly business-like and even somewhat cold. His reply-to-all was business-like and neutral. She proceeded to send a couple of more emails (usually to H and one other person that is involved in the project but that was also part of "thier" clan) that still pertained to the project, but were becoming a bit friendlier. H is the type of person who doesn't want to seem like an a$$ (kinda screwed that up last year!) so his responses (IMO) were a bit friendlier as well. In addition, I felt that the line of discussion that the emails were taking between the group, had very little to do with her part of the project, yet she kept throwing her 2 cents in (almost as a way to keep the communication open).
Then she sent an email that just really made me want to nip the whole thing in the bud. This email was sent just to H and was very short. The first part pertained to business. The second part said, "Hope you are feeling better. My father had kidney stones and said they were the worst pain he ever experienced." (H had missed two days this week due to a kidney stone). IMO - this violates the NC that she agreed to. This has nothing to do with business and is entirely too personal for her to comment on. His health is my concern, not hers.
H doesn't know I check the email (although he freely gave me the password). I know he will feel uneasy if he knows I check up on him (even though it's his own fault). By checking on him when he doesn't know it, I can gain some trust back in him when he is keeping his word. The e/m started yesterday. He has said nothing to me about them (yet). Maybe he just doesn't want to upset me.
Anyway, H had not yet opened e/m from SH (that inquired about his health). So, I deleted it and them emptied his trash. Maybe I should have waited to see how he would respond, but I just know in my heart he would have felt the need to write back at least a brief note. I didn't even want him to have the chance. It would only have served to keep the lines of communication open. I thought about e/ming the OW and simply stating that her e/ms were beginning to cross the line, but I didn't want to give her the satisfaction. I thought about approaching H, but then he would know I sometimes access his email. I hate doing this, but I have to know I can trust him and I don't know of any other way except checking up on him.
Did I handle this correctly? If not, what should I do now?
BTW - Infidelity sucks!