Noticing remnants of his A in our M

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Noticing remnants of his A in our M
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 11:56am

I haven't posted here in while because I can say that my H and my M have actually been in a really good place. I don't even fear that he will mess up again because my bank account has grown to a place where I am satisfied that if he messes up again I will be able to hold my own financially and plus even if I have to end this M, I will be truly thankful for the wonderful years we had together (minus ex-skank inclusion of course). But I just wanted to know if it is just my DH or have other BS experienced this with their XWH also. I have noticed that since my DH had the x-other-skank allow him to treat her like the garbage that she is and she just put up with anything to have him in her life my DH sometimes forgets that he is with a woman who knows her worth and would never tolerate anymore BS from him. It's not big things but little things. Like for instance last night we were having an intense discussion and I was telling him that something minor he did like not fully listening to me when I have concerns really bothers me. He put his hand up and told me while I was talking that he was talking and he didn't say shutup but he was very intent on not listening to me. Now, before his A we had a very healthy M where we had open communication as long as we were respectul we could talk about anything. But I noticed he has had an attitude (only rarely) where he acts like I should "stay in my place and be submissive." He even pointed out in the Bible where it says about wives being submissive to their H. I kindly took the Bible and showed him what it says about adultery and told him that God even says that he permits you to D if your spouse commits adultery.

Anyway, it's just ocassionally I notice little things that I know stem from him being in a R where a woman will degrade herself or do anything to have him in her presence. Once after D-Day we were being intimate and he started to get really rough and I stopped him immediately and said "did you forget that you aren't with a wh*re, but you are with a decent respectable woman - your W." We have been together for a long time and he had NEVER done that. He was so embarrassed and he started crying and apologized. He said that the worse thing he ever did was to taint our M with such an awful thing as an A.

So, it's just little things that he does sometimes and I have learned not to get angry but I know they are stemming from his A. The good thing is that we are communicating about these things and we are respecting each other and he and I are so committed to rebuilding a better M and it's great.

Happy rebuilding ladies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 5:33pm

Ah, well, you can't blame the guy for trying, right?


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Sat, 09-12-2009 - 1:56pm
Hi caffeine, taking a few moments here. Have a