Odd confession

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Odd confession
5
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 2:41pm

My H doesn't get jealous...I mean ever. He says it's because he knows I'd never cheat and because he knows I'll remain faithful so who cares if other guys flirt with me, no chance of cheating no reason to be jealous. I was never a REALLY jealous person either, I mean I have had that twinge in the past but rarely until the A's where I became pretty jealous, and justifyably at that.

Last Thursday we were both sick and didn't go to work. By 6 I realized that I had to get a package to someone that night or there would be hell to pay. I was supposed to do it a month ago and sent someone to do it, but through miscommunication it was never done. I told H I had to go and he started in on 20 questions which he doesn't normally do. I came to the office (20 mins away) Got the package, got the address, got a map to it and dropped it off. It took about an hour to get there and do all that. I got on the freeway and called H "I'm on my way home, need anything while I'm out?" He says "No I just feel really really sick can you come home fast?" So I get home and we have soup and everything is normal.

2 days later he finally makes a confession to me. He said for the first time ever he felt really uneasy about me going out like that. He said he started to get suspicious and jealous and thought I might be going out to meet someone. He said he didn't like what it felt like and was very sorry for making me feel like that...DAILY! Not to mention when I called he was so flustered and suspicious that he faked being more sick so I'd hurry home. I was really surprised because well, nothing about it was weird to me and I've never cheated and only took an hour. I just thought it was interesting that he experienced soemthing like that while I was simply getting a package to someone so I didn't get fired.

We have counseling on the 17th...I want to find out why he suddenly felt that way. Maybe something is up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2000
In reply to: lynmusic
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 3:42pm

lyn...do you really think something is up? Or is it possible he is starting to feel the burden of a guilty heart? Maybe being left alone when he wasn't feeling well caused him to realize what it must have been like for you, waiting for him.

This will indeed be an interesting question for MC.

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2005
In reply to: lynmusic
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 4:11pm

Lyn, I agree with Julie...don't borrow trouble. I'd venture to say that more than something being up in a bad way he is just experiencing some residual pangs of guilt.

Hang tough, I know you've had some ups and downs recently...but that's the norm. Wish rebuilding was smoother sailing but it's not.

Hugs,
VLB

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
In reply to: lynmusic
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 5:45pm

Thanks guys. I think you really hit it on the head with this >>he is just experiencing some residual pangs of guilt.<< Because thats how the first 2 1/2 years of marriage were. I was either baby sitting him or sitting waiting at home for him to come home from "school". He wouldn't tell me where he was going or where he'd been or he'd give me some shady excuse. Because I've never had to do a late night run like that if I were him...I'd probably be suspicious as well, but I guess since I know what I was doing I didn't think about it. I think that hour just gave him a taste of what it's like to be curious, sitting at home waiting and wondering, which isn't what I was going for. I could have very well been out cheating and he'd never know. The thing is, I'd know and I don't think I could forgive myself.

I think he just experienced a tiny piece of my old life and he didn't like it one bit. I just find that since he's so unjealous it shouldn't have even been a problem. Or maybe he's thinking about what I've said lately "I'm not just your wive or your buddy or your roomie, I'm your lover and I can be sexy and other men do think I'm sexy." I don't know if thats true or not, probably not lol but I just needed him to see me as something other than a wife (not that wife is a bad thing but to him it = tame buddy). KWIM?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2005
In reply to: lynmusic
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 7:52pm

My H has always had a problem with being a little jealous. In away that was one of the reason I figured he would never cheat because it was one of his biggest fears that I would. Never have never will. I had this guy who was a friend of mine from high school come to me about 8 years ago. He asked me if I would consider seeing him on the side. He was married and so was I. Anyway, I told him then that I would never risk my marriage. That I could not see my life with out waking up next to my husband every day and nothing would be worth that risk. (Mind you I had a huge cruch on him since high school and would have given anything back in the day to hear him say anything close to us "getting together") Sorry for going off topic a little...

I made the mistake of telling my h and he turned it around on me back then saying I must have flirted or something. I was always being accused of one thing or another... Now I know why because he some place deep inside knew he would cheat on me if given the right chance.... But since d-day I have told my h I never want to hear anything like that again that I have never and would never cheat on him. Yet the other night in bed he said
( sorry for tmi)am I enough for you do I "do it" for you!!!! I got so upset... What the hell is that?? Why would you ask me that?? After what you have done after that all I could think about was the fact that I was not enough for him. That I did not "do it for him"..

So I know where your question came from. But I don't think he is up to anything. I just think that they are now even more insecure in my H case and finally a little insecure in your H's case.. I guess it is somewhat normal but be ware of it becoming extreme as it had in my marriage at one point I could not go out with friend because men might be there!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
In reply to: lynmusic
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 8:25pm
Hey lynzi, I believe yes it is his feelings of guilt. but I also belive that some of the thoughts that go with jealousy is how can WE Betrayed spouses take back our spouses without wanting to punish the WS. So they for a moment or at times feel jealous. I have to admit it puts a smile on my face... Best wishes, tea