Odd Moment..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Odd Moment..
3
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 12:45pm

Being home recovering from my surgery, I just was
watching the noon local news. Well suddenly the
story was a recent bust on the massage parlor my
husband went to this past Sept (he called me home
to confess a few days later). The newscaster stated
the location and I knew it was the one. They showed
it and the women on tv, which was surreal. I used
to be tempted to drive to it to see this place for myself.
Even fantasized about throwing a brick thru the window!
But I knew the trouble was in my house, not out there
somewhere. I was upset and called my husband about it.
The police also found a list of 80 men who had gone
there in the past 2 days. I told my husband he was
so d*mn lucky! Lucky to have me and the kids still #1!!
And lucky there wasn't a mugshot of him.

I'm ok. We've been doing really well actually.
MC'g has been great. My husband definitely has snapped
out of the "La-La land" he has been in the past
2 yrs and realizes the kids and I are a privilege rather
than a ball and chain or evidence of getting older.
I do believe we're going to be ok. Just I have moments
still and certainly with such a specified and powerful
trigger.

Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2005
In reply to: storygrl
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 12:56pm

Triggers SUCK!!!

OK, just had to get that out. They always pop-up when you least expect them. I'm glad to hear that things are going well in your rebuilding though!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2005
In reply to: storygrl
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 6:21pm
Loved that bit about being a priviledge and not a ball and chain....my H is going through MLC for 3 years, but has always had the attitude that he was single unless it benefitted him to be home and around the kids. Don't get me wrong, he never missed an activity they were in, but he was never in the trenches so to speak, just got the glory of the battle. Now that the reality of the Affair is coming slowly around on both their parts ( now that they have been with each other 24/7, she's also his secretary and they've been living together for 4 weeks)( he can't stand living with her despite his feelings for her and his being torn to come back ) He's soon going to realize what he has destroyed by his selfishness and feelings of entitlement. He's lost every social friend he's ever had, the kids won't speak to him unless absolutely necessary, and I "went dark" this week and intend to stay that way during NC. Whatever I need financially now I filter through an associate. My only response, is "Thank You" when he takes care of his obligations. Because he is due that and so far has kept up with things when he is financially able. Non of us ( girls and I ) are really putting any pressure on him, we're just distancing ourselves to try and heal from the pain and devastation that he caused. He is slowly realizing what he has lost, despite his enormous ego. He truly believed that we would take him back with open arms and that all would be forgotten. HELLO!!! The sad part is that his lack of remorse and fence sitting has become his ball and chain, and that slowly, we realize that we can heal and start to thrive without him. One of the positive things to come out of this mess is that the girls are closer than ever and are now standing on their own two feet and are adapting to reality better each day. We are all taping into our internal strenghts and supporting each other on our down days. And yes, we do have those. But we know we are " The priviledge" he lost, when he only gained a new "ball and chain". Hang in there, you are capable of great love, rebuild with hope, maintain your self esteem and learn to forgive if he is truly remorseful. There is nothing more wonderful than having a family and a loving spouse, we just don't always realize how fortunate we are, until it's endangered.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2005
In reply to: storygrl
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 1:30am

Very lucky. When I hear about those raids, I think about the poor BS who find out that way. Its purpose is to humiliate the WS but it also embarrasses the poor innocent family!

Growing up, my neighbor was caught with a prostitute and they published it in the paper later that week. The kids were ruthless with name calling to that whole family. It was terrible.

hannah