Opinions.. Am I the one in the Wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2009
Opinions.. Am I the one in the Wrong?
4
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 10:02am

Ok, as i wrote in another post, the OW had been asking my H for money claiming that she was pregnant & needed an abortion, that was in early february. My H denied any pregnancy and called her crazy, a few days later he text her "i get payed friday, can i give you the money than", to me, that is him admitting to the pregnancy. He claims that he told her that to get her to stop bothering him, which she did for a while. So to me only one thing happened for her to have stopped bothering him, he gave her money for an abortion. In March she contacted him again for money, she sent him a text that read "so you dont want to help me, dont ever say its my fault & dont blame me!". To me that sounds like she is asking him for money AGAIN because she must still be pregnant.


When confronted my H denies any pregnancy. I dont push the matter too much, but this Sunday I just could not ignore it. He came home we were bonding than he started telling me about a celebrity that had to get a visectomy because he was having too many children. I saw this as an opportunity to bring up the OW's pregnancy allegations since he always tries to dodge the matter. Again he denied and denied, while i told him that if it is a fact & if in 5-6 months the OW comes around with his kid that it would be the end of US.


He went a bit crazy on me, totally changed the subject, started telling me things that were off topic, how much he resents me for things from the past, and a whole list of other grievances that were the same reasons he gave me for the affair. I was shocked that he turned into a monster over that discussion. It just does not make sense to me. That was sunday morning, he did not speak to me all day sunday, has been very hostile, giving me the cold shoulder. I tried to speak to him but he is just ignoring me, as if i did something very terrible to him. Its like he did the crime but doesnt want to do the time. I dont think he is being fair to me, he is the one that cheated, NOT ME, why am i getting crucified for asking? Which woman would not be worried, curious & even obsessive over the OW's claims of pregnancy?


I dont understand & its perplexing, was i in the wrong for bringing up the OW's possible pregnancy? Or is he over reacting?


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 10:19am
You aren't wrong and while startling that's typical behavior for a WS.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2009
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 10:29am

Thanks thinkingman,


so how do you deal with somebody like that? He is 26 & a bit immature as you can tell from his reaction. I always tell him everything we do, whether good or bad has its consequences.


Its just frustrating for me because he totally flipped the discussion from me talking about the possible pregnancy to him dumping his grievances on me. Now he is the "offended" one & im the "wrong" one.


It seems to me like some type of defense mechanism, manipulation tactic. Which is totally unwarranted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 11:59am

You can't deal with it unless you understand it.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2009
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 12:08pm

And you know, from his defensive reaction it seems that he knows that the OW is pregnant. Otherwise, he would not try to manipulate the situation & make me the culprit.


He ll get over it & out of this attitude.


He was trying to overshadow my complaint with his own unwarranted grievances against me.


I just have to keep myself busy & away from him for now. His actions are irrational & i dont deserve this treatment. I asked him, "what did i do that was so bad, for you to treat me this way", he answered "you know exactly what you did"!


So dignified & offended, as if I am the one that is pregnant by Another Man! So sick, these WS are really sick people!