OW called police on me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
OW called police on me!
Tue, 06-16-2009 - 2:03pm

So yesterday, OW called H. Its been a week since his NC eMail. She called under the guise of 'my son had to go to the ER so I just had to tell you... oh and let's talk about why you're breaking up with me' wah, wah, blah blah. :rolls eyes:

H made the mistake of not telling me she called... at least not right away.

Here's how it went down:
H comes home and gets into the shower, leaves his phone out in the open. It rings with a text message that says:
"I need more than that lame goodbye. We deserve more than that. No goodbye would be good for me, though."

I accepted the text and of course my heart started beating so hard I couldn't breathe. Then! she calls, too. I miss the call, but I call her back and say:
"Stop calling my husband, you B****. I am serious. If you don't stop calling, I will stop by your home to let you know how serious I am."
She responds with: "Okay, you go ahead and do that. I'll show you how serious I am too."

Not five minutes later (H is still in shower) she calls again and I let it go to VM. Her voicemail says something to the effect of "your wife is crazy. Tell her that if she ever threatens my family again I'm going to file a complaint and get a restraining order."

H gets out of shower and I inform him of her calls and texts. I ask him if he spoke with her earlier and he says yes. He says she called his cell and tried to talk to him about her life, her son, etc and he told her again that he doesn't want her to call and that it was over. Forever.

Now, I was really angry with H because he was not supposed to answer her calls. He apologized said that I had been crying and sad all day and had told him earlier that I was just so done (yes, that part of the rollercoaster) and he said he didn't tell me she called right away because of how upset I already was. He admitted it was wrong, but pointed out that her follow up text supported his story of what they had discussed on the phone...(breaking it off for good)

So, she calls AGAIN! I don't pick up, but I do text back:
"Take a hint. F off"
She texts back:
"You're a crazy bitch. No wonder (H) wants to leave your a$$"

At this point, I've had enough. So H and I erase her # and texts and VMs.

Ten minutes later I get a call from (her city) Police Dept! They give me a case # and the officers badge # and tell me that they'd just like to hear what the problem was, that OW called them to complain about me harassing her and threatening her life!

I told them she was seeing my H and H and I were trying to work things out, but she kept calling us. Actually, at first, I didn't believe that the officer calling was legit. I wouldn't put it past her to have a friend call and pretend to be an officer. But I checked the name and badge #.

I just don't know what to do. She was harassing us and I don't think what I said can be constituted as a real threat... maybe, maybe not. But, should I file a counter complaint? Just to have it on record? Or should I just let it go? I know I should have just ignored her from the start, but I had a really bad day yesterday and was being reactive.

Ugh, I just feel so... done. I am over feeling like this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Tue, 06-16-2009 - 5:22pm
Oh, please don't worry about this. It will all work out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Tue, 06-16-2009 - 10:24pm


Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Wed, 06-17-2009 - 1:34am


One, My fantasy is having any one of the other men being interrogated by my lawyer. Thanks for letting me relish that thought for a moment.

Two, if ever there would be a moment to scare your husband straight, it should be having the police called on you by the psycho chickypo. Talk about ending any emotional tie to this woman. My spouse began to have symptoms related to STDs. She said point blank. "If he gave me an STD, that would pretty much end any feelings I had for him." Now, eight months later and having her pine for him still, I'm mixed about the fact that she was found negative.


Stop calling her, invite your husband to change his phone number, maybe have your voice as his voice message, maybe saying "Bob can't come to the phone right now, he's probably out spending time with me and the kids. leave a message!" (Make sure it's in a really pleasant, sexy, happy voice) bottom line is, don't let that woman get to you. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. At some point, in order for you to be happy again, you have to become indifferent to this person. I know this is a fair ways away. But you can get there. It's going to be a fight to get there. But from your post, you clearly have it in you.

The only way you become indifferent is to start by taking care of you. You can do this by working out, seeing a therapist, eating healthy, and finding a new way to become happy again. Let psyco lady have her miserable life, her behavior is it's own reward.

I'm very sorry this is happening to you. Keep posting. Chin up!


5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Figuring it out. Together.


We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2008
Wed, 06-17-2009 - 8:55am

OMG you are writing my life. All OW/OM must be molded alike because I have been going through the same scenario. She has threatened me with a harrassment suit and caling the police on me. I will not give her the satifaction of contact.

PLEASE stop conacting her you are only playing into her fantasies of you being the crazy W. She will continue to make your life miserable IF you ler her.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2009
Wed, 06-17-2009 - 1:34pm

Don't worry about the police. After you "threatened her" (which I don't think they will see that as much of a threat under the circumstances), she continued to call/text. If she was afraid for her family's safety, why would she keep the contact going? The cops will consider all of that. They will not give her a restraining order -

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Wed, 06-17-2009 - 5:43pm

I would agree that you do not need to worry about the police. You have phone records that

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Wed, 06-17-2009 - 5:47pm

Thanks everyone for the replies and assurances.

I'm not worried about the police at all. She didn't file anything formal and she isn't (as far as I know) asking for a restraining order (LOL, that just makes me laugh). I'm not worried, though, just wasn't sure if I should respond to the officer or file something myself. I'm not going to, though. Best to just leave it be.

I just find it so outrageous how stupid these OW/OM can be! I mean, I've proven to her how my H was lying to her throughout their EA and yet she still "can't live w/o him?" Why? I actually asked her that once (back before I learned to not contact her): I said "I'm giving (H) a chance because I have 10 years, 3 kids and vows between us. You have a couple of months and new him as a kid... why would you *want* to remain in this relationship? Why would you *want* to try and fight for him after he's lied to you?" She didn't have a good answer except for that she was weak and "the heart wants what it wants". Blech!

Anyway, thanks everyone for the support.

OW, so far, has barely managed to make it past the 1 or 2 week mark before breaking the NC, so I'll be on alert for it to happen again. The first time she had her friend call my husband less than 2 weeks after NC and he was still weak enough to call OW back. This time, it was only 1 week later and H stuck to his guns and reiterated to her NC, so I guess that's progress.

We'll see how it goes.

Avatar for cirrus1993
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 7:39pm

I have so been in your situation just a couple months ago. I began reacting to her continuing contact with him and she threatened me with the police. I told her she was in no place to be threatening me, and I never worried and she never did, because I already know what our cops will do if she did call- laugh at her. You have to be standing on someones property with a weapon (baseball bat, something of that sort) to be considered a threat here. At the most she could file a restraining order that I guess we would all have to go to a hearing over.

I just dont get the whole boo-hoo, Im gonna die if you dont keep talking to me b.s. from these OW. Are there not available men out there to listen to their crap for them? Is it the thrill of "winning" something that wasnt yours?

Her latest texts were how I dont deserve him and I am a fat ugly b**ch. I dont care how fat she thinks I am, weight can be lost, but her insanity- not so easily cured! It was really hard not to say something back to her. He told her where to go very bluntly and shared the texts with me, but I still think these guys need to exercise their ability to block these psychos contact! Also the last time he talked to her on the phone which was 3 weeks ago, he claimed he "accidentally" answered it without looking at the caller ID. I told him as long as she is entertained she will keep on, and it will probably get worse before it gets better.

And the heart palpatations and adrenaline. I so feel you there. I cant even hold his phone in my hand without having that happen to me now.

Hang in there!