OW contacts my Husband!!! Please read

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2009
OW contacts my Husband!!! Please read
13
Tue, 05-19-2009 - 10:01am

Well, it had been months since the OW had contacted my H, he had filed a restraining order on her so that she would stop, we went to court, the order was not granted but she did stop contacting him. Until last friday out of the blue she started to play games. She changed her phone number & i guess she wants my H to have it. She started texting him & leaving him voicemails asking for a "Johnny", that is not my H's name. He ignored her & her messages. I contacted her & told her not to contact my H, she denied to be the OW & she denied knowing my H, i still let her have anyway. So she calls my H back, H ignores the call & she leaves him a message saying that she doesnt want to fight, that she was just calling him to say Hi, that she forgives him for taking her to court, that she is now married to her boyfriend & that she loves him. She kept repeating that she forgives my H. That was her last call/message as far as i know.


I contacted her again & told her that is she continued that i would let her new husband know that she is doing. The next day i confronted her at her house so that she would see that i am not playing & she will not mess with my family again. She ran inside.


30 minutes later she calls me and says "listen, listen, i will never call your H again, i didnt think you would find out & i never thought you would come to my house, i was just calling him to say hi, to see how the baby is doing & to see how everything is with the family, but i wont call him egain because i dont cant you coming to my house & get me in trouble with my husband", i told her that my H is not her friend for her to feel like she needs to check on him & see how he is doing & that he took her to court for that same reason, so that she would stop contacting him & disrupting our marriage.


So as far as i know that was the end of it, now i just dont want her & my H to initiate any type of contact. I doubt he or she has, but from reading all of your posts, you never know. He is not acting different or disappearing so i know he is not speaking to her again. The WS always make it obvious when they are lying, cheating. I just hope this is where it finally ends, as it seems that she always finds a way/reason/excuse to contact my H. I had to confront her to let her know that she will not do it again. It would have been totally different if it was my H who was reaching out to her, than i would not have confronted the OW, I would have kicked him out the house & filed divorce paper!!!!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2008
Tue, 05-19-2009 - 11:09am
OW her nme doesn't begin with an S...does it? Her story is soo familiar. Good for you and go be strong!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Tue, 05-19-2009 - 11:15am
I'm sure this has been an enormous trigger for you and you're filled with anxiety, but from what you've said it sounds like you and H have handled it perfectly.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-19-2009 - 11:34am
Quit contacting her -
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2009
Tue, 05-19-2009 - 1:47pm

Thanks all,


as far as i know she stopped, unless my H is lying to me, but that's just a thought triggered by the anxiety of possibly having to deal with that nightmare again since this OW has reappeared. All i know is that if my H resumes contact with her there will not be a tomorrow for us after that. That is what i fear right now. All im going by is by what he is telling me and trusting that it is true that she stopped and that he had NC with her. But i am not with him 24 hours a day to know that, so again, that thought remains. But his behavior & attitude have not changed, all i noticed last night was that he had his phone in the closet. I knew it was in there since i did not see it any where else, so i asked for him to call my cell phone because i couldnt find it, he hesitated but finally got up went in the closet and got his phone. i asked him why he was hiding his phone in the closet, he said he wasnt and that he knew i was going to say that. So he put the phone to charge, than when he came to bed he hid his phone somewhere between the mattress. I was looking for my daughter shoe under the bed this morning when his phone fell out of where he had it. Again i asked why he's hiding it, he said he is not, he just put it there to hear it ring. But any other time he just leaves his phone next to the bed in clear view. I dont know what to think, but i know i cant ignore that. I doubt they are seeing each other, but im not to sure about the NC.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2009
Tue, 05-19-2009 - 1:57pm
I dont know if he is acting that way because the way i found out that the OW had contacted him was when i looked at his phone & saw a missed call. But still, why is he being protective with his phone? I dont want to, but i guess i will have to snoop & confirm whether he is or isnt having contact with the OW.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Tue, 05-19-2009 - 3:11pm

I have to agree w/ love my dog.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2009
Tue, 05-19-2009 - 3:24pm

i did take myself out and have not contacted her since it appears that she stopped. I wish my H would change his number, but he is the type that keeps phone numbers for years, it is really petty of him to keep it, as changing it would end any contact from OW. He says its not his fault that she contacts him and i think to myself, that in a way it is since he know the simple solution would be to change his number! Even the police told him that if the restraining order doesnt work that the simple thing to do is to change his number, yet still, he doesnt budge on that.


She is very trashy, here illegally, single mother, rides the bus, etc. My H is ashamed of her, that is another reason why i doubt he would reconnect with her. While his A was going on he had lied to me about her, what she looked like, & what she did, when i found out the truth, he was very embarrassed & i can sense that he is ashamed of having stooped so low. I highly doubt that he would do it again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Tue, 05-19-2009 - 8:57pm

If your gut tells you that he is being honest then he probably is. He may have hidden the phone because he does not trust that the OW will not try to call again as she seems obsessed.


How long has it been since the A ended? I know it took months for my H and OW to stop all contact even though he tried to hide it. His xow was extremely obsessed with him and I think she was trying to keep up contact hoping I would leave him when I found out. Just like you I finally went to tell her face to face to get out of his life as

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 1:09am

Wow, I wouldn't want to have to tangle with you!!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 7:50am
Goodness queen. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this.
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