Positive Story!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2012
Positive Story!
1
Fri, 05-11-2012 - 1:39am

Hi all, so I wanted to share some postive moments since my D-day, which was only 4 months ago. I read these blogs about once a week and really felt compelled to share my  journey for those of you whom may just be discovering the affair, hoping my story will encourage or at least make you have some hope. I won't rehash my whole story, but here is the short version (you can find the long version if you search my screen name). My H had a one night stand, it wasn't full sex basically her just performing oral on him. However, we have only been married 6 months, and were still in the honeymoon stage. I will first off say I would give anything for this to not of happend, I am still very angry for soooo many reasons. I read blogs and books where some people said they wish it wouldn't happen but in the long run it helped their marriage. Well I call BS on that, this has not helped our marriage, we are not communicating better, I am still angry and hurt. Our marriage wasn't bad before so I don't see how an affair would make it better!  But, I will say it does ease with each day. I have seen a side of my H that I never knew he had, he went from a great guy to an amazing man, he now truly understands my value, he put me on a petstal before but now I am on a throne. Now let me remind you it wasn't that way in the first 48 hours after I found out, he was cold, bitter, and just cruel, (I later found out in therapy he was acting like that because he was upset with himself). My H truly regrets what he did, and I think his actions helped him realize just how special I am and how great our love is. Now I am not going to say its all sunshine and rainbows, I still get visuals every day, I still sometimes cringe when he touches me, and I have days where I just out right cry. But these episodes are getting less and less, and I am now able to cope with them stop them and continue with my day. So here comes the postive, if you are just finding out get ready it's going to be a long and bumpy ride, however if your H can open up to you and understand your value, and realize you can leave just as easily as you can stay, then it will get eaiser. By far not pain free, but you will at least be able to function and start having conversations not related to the affair, and hey maybe even go out on a date and like it! I contiue to say today is better then yesterday and I refuse to let this affair run my life. We only live once and I intend to live it to the fullest, and if my H continues to support me then we can live it together. I hope this helps anyone who has just found out, hang in there you will get better, this will not define you don't let it! this is not the end of your world (although I know that's exaclty what you are thinking!) Just stop and breath and take care of yourself first! I am proof that men can care and regret a bad descion, you just have to decide if that's good enough for you!!!