Putting him to the test?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2005
Putting him to the test?
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 7:48pm

Has anyone ever considered 'testing' the WS? It has been 4 months since contact was cut off with the OW - At least that I know of. They had a six month long sexual and emotional affair (including the "I love you's"). Even if he hasn't made contact, I wonder what he would say if 'she' approached him.

I really want to set up a fake email account (since they never had email contact, and he is not the brightest in the IT department. I could just say (as the OW) that a web savvy friend helped me find his email address, and thought I would write to find out how things are going.

I want to know if he will tell me about the email, if he replies, and what he says when and if he does.

Rebuilding is hard. My DH is very poor at communication, and no matter how many times I ask, or in how many different ways, I can't seem to find out how he is feeling about her now - if he misses her, if he is doubting his decision to rebuild, or even how he feels about me. I have no doubt he will fall for it - not a bright light bulb. I also know he would never suspect it is me. Hard to explain, but he won’t.

Part of the reason I want to do this is to find out if he can be tempted, or has it in his heart to cheat again. I am having a very hard time trusting him, and I guess it is hard to explain, but I really need to know. I feel like I am holding back because I am not sure if I can trust him. He cheated on his first wife too, and I NEED to know if he will. Counseling doesn't answer that question, nor does talking with each other. FTR, I am prepared for the consequences, and what I might learn.

Has anyone else tried this? Any advice or thoughts?