Rebuilding 1+ year
Find a Conversation
|Wed, 02-01-2006 - 10:03pm|
It's been awhile since I've posted on this board, but it gave me great comfort around my D-day to hear similiar experiences, advice, and support from others. Before I post random rebuilding thoughts, here's a recap: we've been married 4+ years and my H had an A that lasted nearly a year and half. I deeply struggled with the decision to stay or go...I decided to give the relationship a chance because my H is truly remorseful and has really tried so hard to earn his way back into our M.
-The emotional ride was very tough last year. The one year D-day anniversary was around the holidays, and I had difficulty resisting my insecurities, and started stupid fights with my H. The fights made me sick to my stomach because they brought all the vivid memories back, just when I felt like I was starting to get over it. I decided I had enough suffering...after a certain point, your suffering is really optional. I no longer want to give the power of my emotions over to an A I had no control over, especially since it has ended over a year ago.
-I did something really catharatic after New Year's. I gathered all the documentation I had on the A (phone records, notes I took when I grilled my H, a letter the OW wrote me, went outside one night alone and burned them. I decided no more suffering over the past--I know I won't forget what happened, but one thing I know for sure: I will forgive my H, myself for all the names I have screamed at him, and will attain peace of mind. If I had knew it would have felt so good, I would have done it sooner!!! Every since then, I have felt I've taken a really big step towards burying the past. I have a sense of calmness now inside my heart.
-I'm a 33 yr old grad student and have a hard time on campus at times b/c the OW was a young girl (about 20 yrs old). I'm starting to walk on campus with more confidence, not feeling so insecure when I see other young girls, remembering when I was that naive once, like the OW. The bottom line is if my H really wanted to be with her, he would be. I really made him earn his way back in and if he wasn't really committed and loved me, I'm convinced he would have left by now.
-I sincerely believe that good people can step on a landmine in life--and it is OKAY to forgive them. I am looking forward to loving my H again with all my heart. It is a bit scary and I'm apprehensive at times, but I feel we can be happy. While what happened has changed our relationship, I do not believe it has to be a burden to us forever; I am very hopeful that we can take our relationship to new heights. When I think of growing old with someone, I think of my H.
So thanks to all those who have posted their inspirational rebuilding stories, and have advised me. When it happens to you, you yearn for some assurance or advice, because it feels like your world is crashing around you. I now can wake up in the mornings feeling optimistic. Everyday I go out to the backyard to check on the tulip and daffodil bulbs I planted this fall. They are starting to really sprout, getting ready to bloom for the spring.