iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2009
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 11:02am

Good Morning,

Just want to know from some BS if you ever have revalations, sometimes out of the blue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 7:32pm

Yeah, I understand, Fitness Mom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 11:03am
I would think if he does not grab the opportunity to get it all out in the open he is not facing what he did head on either.
He is not feeling all the pain, shame, guilt, remorse
I am glad I know all the details, I am glad my husband had to go there and admit what betrayal he is capable of in detail
he had to do it and look me in the eye and see the feelings he co-created in his wife
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 9:53pm

no, it will never go away, it will always be there lurking. it happened, and there is nothing you can do to undo what has been done.

the real question is this do you want to remain stuck in the muck of it all. you can worry yourself to death over 'there is more' and wait till he admits to it or hell freezes over - AND I AM THINKING THAT HELL WILL FREEZE OVER BEFORE HE ADMITS TO THE ALL OF IT. unfortunately your man is not much different than most. the defense is denial and cover up - it is how they are wired.

or you can CHOOSE to accept what you know and then DECIDE what you want to do. can you live with what has happened?, that is the question. will you be able to accept it and rebuild on a NEW better, stronger foundation? that is a tough one huh?????????????? take some time to think on it. if you decide you can live with it, then he has to be on board, he has to commit to you honestly THIS TIME. if he can not do this, then that is the answer - but if he can, then the mortar should be equal parts of honesty, laughter, compassion, love, and integrity. because that is what YOU, the special person that YOU are deserves, you deserve NOTHING LESS THAN THAT. BELIEVE THAT.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2010
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 1:01pm

I have to disagree with chijd in one respect.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 9:15pm

too bad the betraying spouse does not realize that the 'truth will/would set them free' - literally.

my husband would NOT give up any info - and so i dug, and dug, and dug until i was able to break into his email and read all of the sorted details.

i am thinking that if i could 'go back and do it all again' i would have preferred not to know the 'kind' of sex they engaged in - the acts haunt me to this day. the pictures, the mind chatter - along with the lack of explanation as to why are the main reasons i am haunted to this day and why there was never any hope of us rebuilding even though i am still here.

i resent him for taking our sex life and disrespecting it in such a way. i was a free spirit, i felt safe in our intimacy - it was ours, it was special, it was sacred. then he goes and cheapens it in such a vulgar way, WITH A STRANGER, and using NO protection - i remember thinking ARE YOU KIDDING ME????????
i believed when we were there, in that place of intimacy/sharing, fulfilling that it was ours, and OURS ALONE. silly me, silly, silly me.

additionally the fact that he spoke of me, of us, TO HER - again a perfect stranger. that he was so hell bent on getting what he wanted from her that he would in essence 'throw me under the bus', integrity, fidelity be damned.

what did i ever do to deserve such treatment???????????????????????????? i mean really..................