Is this the right board? Trying to move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2011
Is this the right board? Trying to move on.
Mon, 11-14-2011 - 8:52am

For about 5 years (or a little more) I have suspected that DH was fooling around. We had a HUGE blow up 4 years ago over text messages, and homemade porn, from a woman we both worked with.

DH was adamant that nothing happened, they were only "together" for work functions, and the outside of work stuff was limited to the texts (over 300 in one month from her) and the two videos.

Two weeks ago I found two more videos, one was of the two of them having sex. Why on earth he'd keep these I don't know. Part of me suspects he wanted to get caught, but I've stopped trying to understand it all.

When I confronted him, he initially denied it, but I called BS and told him I watched the videos.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2011
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 4:22pm

Looks like you and I are right at about the same stage of this nightmare...we think we've finally gotten the whole truth, and after all of the lying, we don't know what to do with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 11:33am


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 2:22am
Yep, they do seem to move on, leaving you in the aftermath of the tornado. It's common for them to not even want to discuss it AT ALL, how nice for them. Dr. Phil says you talk about it "until", meaning until YOU no longer need to. I wouldn't bet the bank you know it all, he has nothing to gain by telling you more, what you saw was proof and he can't undo that. They seem to think avoiding discussing things is the thing to do, and it's his job to restore trust, not yours. You need counseling, it's too hard to wade thru this without help. You will stay stuck without it. Stuck isn't necessarily a bad place to be, it just means you're human and trust has flown out the window. You don't know what to do, and you're in good company here.