Rough night

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Rough night
12
Thu, 04-16-2009 - 5:58am

I'm doing my best to take care of me.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
Thu, 04-16-2009 - 10:22am

I'm sorry to hear that you've had such a rough evening. I think it's good that you're reaching out to an old friend during this time. I hope that he gives you some good advice to help you through this.


I still can't wrap my head around why they need to think. I know it sounds selfish- but it seems like we are the one's who deserve the luxury. I mean, we didn't ask to be put in this situation. We got forced into it. Forced to think. (Sorry- that's sort of off topic. I just needed to rant for a minute.)


My thoughts are with you. Keep us updated on how you're doing.

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Thu, 04-16-2009 - 10:30am

"For God's sake I haven't had time to think about anything yet, I've barely been here for 24 hours!"

She's been thinking about it. She's been thinking about it for a while. She's just in fantasyland and and the real world hasn't dawned on her. Her wake up call will be when you stop calling her and begin moving on. It feels like you might be throwing away a great deal, but what you are really doing is offering her a chance to really wake up and fix her world.

My DW called it our "wake up call." I told her that I would not be moving out but she was welcome to do so. Once she told me what was really going on, she thought my tears were payback for my bad behavior. I cried for about a week solid. At some point she told me what it was that she thought was "right and wrong" now. I told her that I would give her some time to think about this, but that I could not be with her if she thought that sleeping with another man was really ok. It took her a while to sort it out in her head but now she realizes what she did what really messed up and wrong.

She preaches against affairs now. You know, we are having our hiccups, but the way we treat each other now is the way we should have been treating each other all along. If your W can figure some of this out, this could be a blessing in both of your lives. But you have to be prepared to simply move on, become a better person on your own and take care of your family. Only then will she honestly have a chance to see what she's about to throw away.

Like my childhood Sunday school teacher said once. Don't selling your birthright for a mess of pottage. She has a family and a husband who is ready to get to work. Throwing that away for a e-mail buddy is foolish. One way or another, she will see this.

Were really proud of you. Your taking care of you. Keep it up.

Thomas

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Thu, 04-16-2009 - 11:37am
For those of you who had to separate to get a wake up call but eventually came back to rebuilding, how long did that take?

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Thu, 04-16-2009 - 1:06pm
We only separated for a week (that's all it took for him to wake up) and have been rebuilding for about a month now. this is after 2 yrs. of what I thought was rebuilding but was not b/c he had a relapse affair. so far it's going well. I saw my therapist today and she said all the pieces (therapy, transparency,etc.) seem to be coming together, but the question is can he control his impulses? It's hard to rewire the brain. But this is what my H is working on now in therapy so only time will tell. This scares me to death and I know my H is afraid of losing all to his impulses. But my therapist said fear is good motivation to change.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 12:28am

We're dealing with broken, lost, truly f'd up people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 1:13am

I agree with Pater that you really need to stop asking your wife if she has thought about anything yet. In fact do not even call for a

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 3:26am
I think she basically needs an attitude adjustment.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 4:36am

I'm wide awake in the middle of the night again, but yesterday really was a better day.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 9:31am

I think the fog is lifting. Her, "I am a good W" comment sounds pretty defensive, like she is trying to convince the both of you. Now is the time to stop answering her phone calls, make yourself unavailable to her, let her live with her choices.

Honestly, I have hope for your M. So, don't give up yet. However, you should be planning for the end. Until she indicates otherwise and starts behaving as if she does want to save your M and does all that you ask of her, don't count on remaining M. See a lawyer, make your plan and start living as if she has made her decision and it isn't you.

So, go out this weekend and do something with a friend or by yourself. Don't be home when she calls and don't return her call right away or at all. Leavr her alone for a couple of days to miss you and understand what it will be like without you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 11:28am

The fog may be lifting slightly, but it still sounds like there's still

Pages