Sex in our house! Should we move?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2010
Sex in our house! Should we move?
22
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 7:17am

Hello this is my first post. I found out about the A 3 1/2 months ago. Finally got to the point where I do not cry every spare moment of the day, however feelings still come in waves and I have some bad days, like yesterday and today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2009
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 5:30pm

Well, I guess I was a little different.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2010
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 7:02pm

To tsah5,


I am so glad you got a new home, new town, to start a new life with your H. Somedays I really wish I could have that. I completely understand the feeling that the A has tainted your space even if the OW was never physically there. I have read that the BS tends to associate everything that happened during the timeframe of the A with the A, so that even memories (such as holiday or family events) are considered dirty and ugly.


For me, even the streets in our area feel/felt tainted. Time is helping to erase these thoughs, but it is so slow that I get frustrated. It has only been 4 months since D-day. I asked my H to move, but I guess it is too early for us to talk about it. He is not interested it seems. Some days I cry on the way to work because I know the hotel they stayed at is just a few roads away from where I am driving. Some days I cry on the highway if I remember that the OW was driving the same road to our house to bring my H her homecooked food

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2010
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 7:16pm

Hello tryntoheal,


Thank you for the advice. Have you ever tried to do a space cleansing?


At first I had the same idea. When I old my H about it (this was just a few weeks after D-day) he was extremely enthusiastic about the idea. I did read up about and find on the internet a White Sage smudge stick like the Native American people use to purify a space and get rid of negative energy. I never did use it, though, because after the initial panic of D-day, I started getting very depressed, thinking that a bunch of smoke wasn't going to take back all the lies and hurt, and

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 10:47pm

i responded to you a few hours ago and forgot to add something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2010
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 11:20pm

Dear tsah5,


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 02-19-2010 - 6:59pm
I personally would not choose to set foot in that house again in your shoes.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 4:11pm

Tina, I don't post here much anymore but I can relate to this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2010
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 10:37pm

Dear stilllearning2bme,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 7:22am

I can tell you that the first year was very, very, difficult for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2010
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 7:17pm

Ahh, yes, the memory that "she sat on this very same toilet" pops into my head about once a day. It used to make me very mad/sad but now I am inching closer to ......I don't know ....better? I thought about it yesterday but not for a couple days before that. I also had some triggers and bad thoughts while out shopping, which could have lead me to remember the toilet as well. Perhaps on days with less triggers, it becomes a non-issue? I find that if I get upset about ANYTHING (MIL acts like a jerk, a car pulls out in front of me,