So close, yet so far away...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
So close, yet so far away...
9
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 10:57pm

I happened to look at the back neighbor’s porch this summer and saw the cover of a very familiar book sitting there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2009
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 8:30pm

Please bear in mind this was not my opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 8:30pm

"Men didn't deserve a good woman."


Remember: Not all women feel that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 8:26pm

(*sigh*)

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 1:18am

"Men didn't deserve a good woman."

Woof! Very harsh. But I get it.

Women do deserve good men.

My oath.

Thomas.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2009
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 10:58pm

I wish I had had someone to talk to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 3:22pm

Thanks, all three of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 12:11pm

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 10:39am

I live in a very tight neighborhood. Most of us go to the same church.

I got a phone call from Bob whom i use to do scouts with and he said we are moving S out of her house. I said? S? Not the "families last name?" I saw the "for sale" sign go up some weeks earlier. I got there just at the end and all these women in the neighborhood were giving S all this support with her new born kid and all. She moved into an apartment IN the neighborhood.

I never really liked the husband. He seemed very opposite of me politically and a little sanctimonious. I drove by a few days later and the couple were sitting on their porch talking. When I pulled into my driveway I saw her leaving with all the kids. I caught up to her and took a chance and laid my life open for her, told her about my spouses affair and offered her just a little advice about eating right, getting in a work-out and taking care of herself and her issues first--the reader's digest of the 180. I was really taking a chance here but she seemed very grateful and appreciative. I asked if anyone was talking to her husband "E?" She said "everyone is talking to me but nobody is talking to E. I asked if it was ok to go talk to him, she said "yes, that would be nice."

The rumor was that he beat her. (that ended up being a total lie.) I walked over to his house and knocked on the door. I was terrified that this was going to go badly. He came to the door and hung up his cell phone to talk to me. He asked me "Thomas, what's up?" I asked if we could talk and we sat on his front porch. I told him the same stuff I told his wife about eating right, working out, getting therapy. I then just told him my whole story. This could have been a huge mistake but he just melted and began telling me his story. He said that of all the neighbors, "the liberal "ponytail" was the only one who came by to see how he was." He was mystified by this. He was also mystified as to why the neighbors all came and moved his spouse out. I told him about finding the guys in the phone records. He did this in the week that followed.

He found that his wife is clearly having an EA with at least two people and E and I are having similar problems with our pastor. (One of the EA's for his wife being the pastor himself who had been talking to E's wife on the pastors cell phone for hours at a time each week, without E's knowledge for over a year.) Our pastor was the one who talked his wife into leaving him and is the one paying for her apartment out of church funds. I refused to let our pastor talk to my spouse without myself being present. The pastor tried to bully me into allowing him to do this and now my spouse and I are essentially "out" of our congregation. So much for the healing we should have received at his hands!

What a disaster. "And folks wonder why I'm agnostic??" Ugh!

Anyway, I finally had to thank E about a week back because he helped me feel like less of a freak in my own neighborhood. Probably far more than any comfort I might have given him. But I think I got lucky here. This could have gone very badly. If it wasn't for E. I would really have felt alone here.

Thomas

5 kids ages 16-10, D Day: August, 2008

What I'm doing to rebuild: Therapy, Books, Exercise, Forgiveness.




Edited 10/22/2009 11:26 am ET by pater_familia

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 9:51am

I agree, you just never know.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein