so far, so good
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|Mon, 01-09-2006 - 12:12pm|
Happy New Year Everybody!!!
Well, since I have been asked, here's my update:
It has been a little over one month since we officially started rebuilding and he ended things with OW. I recognize that we are still in a "honeymoon" type stage, but things really are going better than I would have imagined at this point.
The holidays were great! My parents visited us and my husband actually stated that he was really looking forward to seeing them (they have always gotten along really well). It was just like old times. H has been very concerned about whether our "old" best friends would take him back, but they spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with us (at their request!) so I think that we can work things out with them. After Christmas, we went away (just the two of us!) to a small B&B. We really enjoyed this time... there were no distractions (our cell phones barely worked and wireless internet was about impossible, so no email)... it was just US and it was perfect!
H truly is doing all the right things. He is open and honest. He let's me know when he and OW have even come close to encountering each other at work. The fact that they both still work at the same company is something that we are discussing. He really loves his job and he's great at it, but if she isn't going to quit and move, we are really going to have to talk about our next step. I just don't trust her to leave him alone in the long run. I'm afraid that once she get's her tail out from between her legs (I could make a nasty comment but I won't), she will try to get him back (that's just the kind of person that she is... although H still doesn't see that side of her, but I understand that it is still hard for him to see her as the coniving little h@ she is and likely, always will be... ok, I'm done... thx).
Anyway, like I said Christmas was fantastic. We exchanged new wedding rings. He was really excited about his which meant the world to me. He even showed it off to his assistant the first day back at work (this went along way with me since so much of his affair revolved around the workplace. Any time he talks about us being happily married with people at work, it really touches me).
The problems that currently exist seem to be mostly on my end, but I think they are mostly normal (and IC agrees). I still have a bit of a problem if I can't get in touch with him, if he's a minute or two late getting home, etc. (although he calls if he'll be late and pretty much immediately returns any of my messages). I also am very concerned about his relationship with his parents and how this may or may not affect us. He has always been very close to them and they have always "disliked" me. Of course, they loved SH. Since he ended things with OW, they have seemed almost mad at him. I am concerned that he will start to resent me for their anger and have second thoughts about his choice to be with me. I'm pretty sure this is unfounded on my part, so I'm trying to work through it.
We are in the process of trying to find a MC. We both feel that going once a month would be very helpful (my IC agrees that it doesn't sound like we need to go more often at this point). It would be nice to have that neutral third party to bounce things off of.
We talk about the future often and have made some plans for a small trip in March and we will start planning a larger trip in the fall soon(for our 10th). Planning for the future keeps me hopeful as this was something he would never do during the A.
I am blissfully happy!!! H truly seems happy again (he never seemed this way while the A was going on). Sometimes, I can't believe any of this happened. Sometimes is seems like it was so far away and it was all just a dream. I let myself indulge in that feeling for a few seconds, but then I bring myself back to reality. It was real. It did happen. It was the most horrible event I can ever imagine going through. I won't allow myself to forget what it felt like because I cherish the present so much more because of it. I cherish my happiness and H's happiness more. I cherish my marriage more. My husband means the world to me. He always did, but I'm making sure he knows it now!!!