So I emailed OW #1.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2003
So I emailed OW #1.
6
Sat, 03-03-2012 - 2:56am

There have been 2.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sat, 03-03-2012 - 3:41am
It's not pathetic, you're talking about emotions and whatever you feel it's okay. I did the same thing, if that helps, a fair number of us followed thru and did the same. I'm never sure we really make an impact on the OW, but if you believe it can help you move forward I see nothing wrong with doing it. Don't do what I did, though - I didn't stop at one - I sent a second e-mail and THAT one made me feel really foolish, it was like I couldn't help myself after she responded and I sure wish I'd stopped at one. Just remember, they don't care about you or your marriage to begin with, and hopefully now it'll be easier to start to focus on what you want with your spouse. It's very hard to stop obsessing about the OW, I can't even begin to imagine how hard it would be if she was a friend! I hope your letter helps you to move on now.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2003
Sat, 03-03-2012 - 11:19am

Yea, I blocked her so that even if she replies, I won't get it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Mon, 03-05-2012 - 3:20am

I agree with you that if things aren't good inside your marriage it causes problems, both partners have a responsibility if the marriage is in trouble.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Mon, 03-05-2012 - 1:51pm
Good for you. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I sent one to OW#2 and you weren't mean, you just put it out there. Hopefully she will gain something from that and grow into a better person. But whether she does or not isn't your problem. Hopefully, you will be able to move forward in this and heal yourself now that you don't have this need sitting on your shoulder to contact her. I think that is a HUGE problem that we as BS have. We were left in the dark and then it is over and we never got to say our peace with any of it.

Good for you!
Elmosmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 10:30am
Generally I would say contacting the OW/OM does no one any good. They don't care about their effect on anyone other than themselves.
This is a case of friend violating a friend's trust though, she did have a responsibility to you, unlike some stranger, this person knew you. Her actions were equally as low as your husband's. She had an obligation to you, granted she didn't vow at an altar or in front of a judge, but as a friend she should have done better. I won't contact my wife's OM, or really, boyfriend as I call him, because let's face reality, he's her only man at this point. But I have no relationship with him, he owes me nothing, I owe him nothing. My problems are with her, not him. Your situation is totally different, you deserved better from him AND from her.
Very well done, I hope she realizes that she not only let her husband down, but she also let you down.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 3:18pm

I have to agree with dadfor6 on this, to initate contact with the OW doesn;t help heal in the long run. Yours was a betrayal of friendship, which puts it in a completely different category. And I think yiou handled it well.

I had way too many conversations with my ex's OW#3 (I thought she was #2 at the time, but I was wrong).