Socializing after the A?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Socializing after the A?
8
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 1:44pm

Well, my H has agreed to go to MC and insists that coworker OW is leaving the country so NC is imminent and a job change is uneccesary. I had an appt w/ a lawyer to file for Thursday and he finally decided to stop me, though at the last minute.

So anyway, we have our first social event tonight since dday. The guest of honor is the only one I have told but I'm sure she has told everyone, I mean I don't blame her, this is juicy stuff. Heck, I'm posting everything on the Internet so obviously privacy is not a big issue for me. However, how did you rebuilders handle this? I mean, I 'kinda' feel sorry for him and wonder if any of the guys will even talk to him and I wonder if anyone will flat out ask me and if I'll be stuck in the closet getting drunk and talking to anyone who will listen to my poor pathetic story... I don't want to do this. I WANT to hold my head high and rise above this. But is that what's gonna happen? I hope to just make a brief appearance and excuse ourselves. Kids are out for the night, which is rare and would like to also do some serious rebuilding on our own, also..

So can anyone give advice on this or share an experience? Would love to hear it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2005
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 1:56pm
My first night out was OK, until.... I had a few drinks.. Then my guard was down and I started spitting venum his way.. I danced with every man I could find and refused to let my H touch me. Not a pretty thing at all. I was so sick because I was still not eating very much at the time and drank wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too much.. I would suggest no drinking or very little sips. I would also suggest holding your head very high. You did nothing wrong! People will talk but who cares! Until they have walked a mile in our shoes no they have no idea what we are dealing with!!
Yahoo! Avatars

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 2:12pm
Thanks, Irene. We sound a lot alike. I have a tendency to overdrink in strained social situations and I'm also not eating a normal diet, so it makes it worse. I am hoping since I have vented and verbalized this, I will have the fortitude to nurse my drink. I have gotten drunk a couple of times with H since dday, though not intentional, just affected me more than usual, and I ended up getting pretty mean both times. So I know it and need to stay aware. I also don't want to ruin what could be a perfectly pleasant end to the evening w/o kids.... KWIM? The guest of honor that I did tell has not spoken to me since dday and my decision to stay in the M, she felt I should kick him to the curb. It is a surprise party for her and she is my friend, so I feel obligated to go, even though she may not even want me there, so yeah there is also that element of them not 'getting it'....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 2:31pm

You know it's just so easy to vent, especially after a few drinks.


Just go, hold your head high and for any gossip mongers there who has the audacity to bring it up, or for the caring people that may perhaps want to know you're in their thoughts, simply reply something vague like...I appreciate your support.

Solazzo

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2005
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 2:33pm
I know what you mean. It is hard when you around people that do not agree with what we have decided to do. In time they should come around. As for a nice night with out kids I get that too. If anyone does ask tell then that at this time you do not feel like getting into it.. That maybe some other time you might be willing to share your storie but for tonight it is about your friend and having a good time!! Remember no one can live your life but you! So they have no right to judge.. Everyone has had their share of hard times. Each person deals with them in their own way and this is no different.. I hope you have some fun you deserve it!!
Yahoo! Avatars

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 2:46pm
Thank you for your kind words! I wish I could go to a party with you guys instead of my 'real' friends, or maybe I could just bring you with me? Hopefully, you have helped me avert a social disaster. Which, I guess wouldn't be the end of the world but really does not need to happen right now!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2005
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 2:52pm

Try and have some fun.. WE are always here when you need us!!

;) Irene

Yahoo! Avatars

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Sat, 04-22-2006 - 9:42pm
Well, it went real well. First, H came home after lunch to spend the afternoon w/ me. Then we went and only stayed an hour, he stayed with me the entire time.. which was kinda strange, I'm sure he didn't want me to start talking to anyone about the situation but I didn't want to anyway. We snuck out and went to one of our favorite restaurants and had a really good evening! YAY!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 9:28am

Don't worry about what other people think. It's you and your H's business, not theirs. Go in there and hold your head high and have a good time. And if they blow off your H, then that's not such a bad thing either. It shows him that there are consequences and repercussions for his actions including the way others will treat him and regard him. It shows the WS that his adulterous actions DO affect everything and everyone around him. (So many WS think their A never hurts anyone so this shows them that it does.) Your H may feel a little uncomfortable at this event, but I say let him squirm. It's a good learning experience.

But overall, I wouldn't worry about it. I went through this same thing myself, and no one has ever brought it up to my face or addressed it with us. So your chances are 99% that people won't approach or ask you about it. And if they do? Just tell him that you're working on rebuilding your M and would appreciate that they be supportive of that because after all, it's really none of their business.

Pinkgirl