Solazzo re: H treatment thus far...long

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Registered: 04-08-2003
Solazzo re: H treatment thus far...long
2
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 4:05am

Thank you for your questions of updates - here they are....

TREATMENT:
Treatment is staggering dearly. Not due to H, but the system. H has tried everything he possibly could, while in psychosis, to get the help he needed except to hospitalize himself (we did that 8 yrs ago & he's scared to go back).

Late November he finally saw, who he was told, a psychiatrist. She put him on 25mg of Seroquel (anti-psychotic). It did bring him around, but not as much as my IC told me it would. Although, that is when he moved home. Turns out she was not a psychiatrist, but a psychiatric nurse & she really didn't know how to medicate him. So she told H he needed to check himself into a hospital before she treat him further.

Frustrated, but desperate to put this behind him, he went to the ER that has the psych ward. They are the closest, they will have a psych 24/7, he was willing to even spend the night (or 3) if they encouraged him.

Since H was not in any immediate threat to himself or others they decided not to keep him. But the psych there did call me & we talked for an hour. He prescribed H 200mg of Seroquel ... wow, what a jump! H called PN again & asked if she will now properly medicate him. She said no, she's actually pediatric & doesn't know how to deal with him. She set up an appointment for him with a psych for Feb 28th. (This is the 1st week of December!)

H did see a psych upon his work's request to have a 2nd opinion before allowing him back to work. But the doc they used actually doesn't practice any longer (teacher now) so he could take H as a patient or prescribe either.

So, H is on an anti-psychotic. I don't know if he still needs it or not, but wouldn't dare take him off w/o being on-board with a psych. So we wait for the stabilizers & antidepressants.

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MEANWHILE....
I am taking a 12w course for depressive illnesses. I'm learning a lot & I'm only 2 classes into it so far. I'm getting my list of questions together for H psych appt on 2/28, which I told H I want to be a part of. This is b/c as a family member I'll know his moods better than H does & the more the doc knows the better he can prescribe appropriate meds. Everyone I've talked to says once they were involved with the psych appointments treatment went much better.

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CO-DEPENDENCY ISSUES:
Ha, talked about that one a lot with a friend in the midst of the A. Yes, what she provided H are things I could never provide him.

After trying to commit suicide at H apt she was diagnosed as bipolar in mania. I could NEVER keep up with H in mania. I could NEVER have a 10 hr phone conversation.

She does not have children & lives off of a trust. So she has all the time in the world for H. I know my limited time bothers H greatly.

She will drink with him. She'll get drunk with him. Something I have not done in probably 10 yrs. When H drinks I mentally separate from him. He drinks while he's in hypomania so he actually wants to play at that time, but with his abusing the alcohol I cannot/will not contribute.

(Hypo)mania = hypersexuality. Now we have had weekends where we were locked up the entire time & just ordered in, but that's impossible to do with kids & I would also fall asleep from time to time. I just couldn't keep up (he can stay up for days while in hypomania). So finding a woman who could keep up sexually must have been heaven for him while H was in this state of mind.

So there are things in life I could just never provide H. He also craves/needs stability, which he has with me. He is a jealous type of guy, I think after a while the pervasiveness of the OW would be things he could not have in a partner (sending vagina shots to an old boyfriend she's held onto through his 10yr marriage & her 8yr marriage so he could 'study' them to figure out why she's infertile - he's a psychologist). Meeting men online (or in H case-phone). Her current H was also married when she met him (online). Manipulation, big time - cannot wait until he starts to see how she was doing so, more than just the suicide threats. And many other traits which would resemble his mother. Yes, I think H had an A with himself & his mother - thanks Sigmand Frued!

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MARRIAGE COUNCELING:
We went to 1 session. H froze to an ice-lump. Not very progressive at all. I have since decided I think it is better to wait until H is on meds for 6w & I finish my course so we have a better understanding of each other. So we're looking at the 2nd week of April.

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NC LETTER:

I have been visiting a 'save your marriage' board and the marriage coaches had a sample letter for the W to use to end the A. He basically took a VERY SIMPLIFIED version of the sample letter. Yes, I was going to point out to H that further contact also hurts him, but neither of wanted to talk about it today. But, I didn't want him to say that to her anyway. I don't want doors to be open to his heart. His therapist also told him to be very non-emotionally-responsive in all correspondence with the OW. I'm not too worried about the msg, especially since he sent it as a reply to her email asking why she hadn't heard from him in 2w.

He does worry about hurting her feelings. I know that, expect that and need to try to respect that. It's a part of H I normally adore, so I need to accept it.

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Thanks again for inquiring. It feels good to talk about it as nobody asks any longer & I don't volunteer info much any more.

Strange enough, my self-esteem is still rising. I didn't realize how much of a depression I was living in with our horrifying past 2.5 yrs. This has really woken me up & I'm challenging myself nearly every day & succeeding. I love the people I'm meeting at NAMI. Their love is amazing and it feels so good to be surrounded by so much love. Plus I love being educated. I would have the highest natural high while in college. This time I'm being educated on something that can have a huge effect on my family's life. So it's even more tantalizing.

Bonnie




"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 8:06am

Thanks for the update Bonnie!


You've done a fantastic job of working through a system that is just plain slow. In the meantime you are doing what you can to understand and live with a person that clearly needs your support, and you've managed to do that without debasing yourself, and while taking first steps toward reconciliation and rebuilding.


I just think you're awesome!


Hugs

Solazzo


Solazzo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 9:19am
I'm not so sure about that husband of yours, however, I think you might make an excellent mental health professional. Good luck with your studies and make sure that you have time to focus on you.