Sometimes things have to stay broken.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2009
Sometimes things have to stay broken.
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 10:38am

Well I have been on here for a few months now and we were trying to rebuild and slowly, slowly this last week or so the blinkers have come down the rose tinted glasses don't work anymore and I'm looking at my H who is quite happy living his life through drink and the Internet and I'm seeing someone who isn't making an effort to make this relationship any stronger who isn't making any effort to make me feel good.

I had words with him a few nights ago and told him straight what I thought of him and how he is making the same mistakes in his life

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 10:44am
Yes, unfortunately sometimes that's how it is.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2009
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 11:12am

I guess I will have to dust the 180 off again but really put it into action now. I need to put some distance between me and him to give myself room to breath. I feel he has consumed my mind and thoughts for long enough its exhausting me.

I dont know what else really to do other than the 180 really. For now I just want to be able to not be in touch with him for a length of time if that makes sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 7:06pm

you are not boring anyone. we are here for you, we are here for each other.

it does not sound as though your h is taking you very seriously. he is probably in la la land thinking yeh, blah blah blah blah.

have you read the 180 list? if not you need to do so.

i believe you need to stop waiting for him to change and start paying attention to you and YOU CHANGE AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOU.

lets face it, our spouses actions have shown us that we can never ever depend on anyone wholly, truly - that is except ourselves. you, me, none of us can get wrapped up in that needing the other person to make us feel whole or special.

we must love ourselves enough to change and start taking care of numero uno. you must teach him how to treat you by treating yourself that way. am i making any sense?????

when you show him that you believe you are important enough to you to make yourself a priority i bet he will snap to (that is if he is worth it). he will take notice of the change and the wheels will start turning.

think about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Sun, 08-16-2009 - 12:16am

I think you are right that a period of NO contact with him is in order for you to clear your mind. Yes, dust that 180 off and get to it. Get your power back and focus on YOU and only YOU.

Take care and good luck