Soulmates! Does it matter what i think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2009
Soulmates! Does it matter what i think?
16
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 7:42am

Sorry im back!


Brain doing over time and was wondering does it matter what i think?


H says this girl is his soulmate (girl whom he was seeing for 3 months, 3 weeks after we split up!!!) but im wondering does it matter what i think? i can sit here and say he was deluded he wasnt thinking straight it was sex it was a mistake.


BUT!


As long as i get the impression that he thinks this is more what chance do we have? Do yu think its worth trying? If he doesnt think he is deluded then what of us? He says he cares enough to try with me but im struggling with the fact that he doesnt think he done wrong. He genuinely believes his feelings for her were real and is just putting her aside for me (lol he had no choice she chose her kids her husband and a new life in australia!!)


Im sorry for messaging again im just so hurt and confused right now x

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 12:07pm

In my humble opinion in order to rebuild with someone then they have to show remorse for what they did. They have to understand that it is not acceptable to continue looking for "soulmate" while married. They have to figure out why they went looking with no blame to you. They have to cut all forms of contact with the ow. She is no friend to you, your children or your marriage. Therefore if he values your relationship then all contact with her must cease. It would be disrespectful to you for him to try to keep her as a friend. She is no friend ..she is the coconspirator of your husband's deception.


Your husband has to become an open book and he has to start investing himself emotionally into your marriage. He has been stealing from your marriage and giving time, thought and energy to another person. All that effort that he was wasting on outside sources now comes home to you.


It sounds as if he is still mourning her loss and is still lost in the fog of his affair. He is mentally fence sitting.

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 12:38pm

"H says this girl is his soulmate"

Woof!

My spouse went on about this crap. It's just that, Crappola of the first order. It's a lie! They live in a bubble. No bills, no kids, no problems. Once they have to deal with that stuff and the infatuation chemical wares off, that stupid idea will go away fast.

Your soul mate is the person you are willing to do all the hard stuff with including, honesty, fidelity and working through problems with. This includes the really ugly problems like your spouses affair.

Sweetie, don't take what he said personally, he's in a fog, my spouse doesn't say that stuff anymore, when he finally pulls out of this fog, he will stop saying that also. ok.

keep posting.

Thomas

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Figuring it out. Together.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2009
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 12:48pm

Read it re-read it both times i cried omigod how powerful is that letter?


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 2:28pm

Your very welcome. I

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2009
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 3:46pm
Oh my goodness!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2007
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 6:11pm

Five,

Wow. I stand in awe of your letter.

Is there any way it could be archived on this board for future reference? I think it would help any newbie who found themselves here.

The pen IS mightier than the sword, at least in your hands!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 7:07pm

Five, I am wondering if you would allow me to post your letter on our board website? It is very powerful and moving. A poster brought it to my attention and I agree it sure would be a great addition to the wedsite if you would allow us to share it with others?


Hugs Gal

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 11:35pm
Holy sh*t. That was incredible fdwife.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Sat, 08-01-2009 - 11:04am

I would be honored to have it included on your website. If it can help someone else going through this then by all means use it.


FiveDiamondWife

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Sun, 08-02-2009 - 9:54am

Thank you so much, for taking the time to post it here for us to read. And thank you for allowing us to post it on the website as well, for others how may not get a chance to read this post.


Hugs Gal

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