Still Hanging in
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|Thu, 05-14-2009 - 10:49pm|
Havent been on in a few weeks. Its been 2 mos since dday #2. I still feel really disoriented.
I think he may have really ended it this time, though he has still refused me the ultimate proof of the phone statement. He claims he has blocked her ability to call and text, and his phone has been AMAZINGLY quiet to what it ever use to be. Also every time I turn around he use to be doing something with the phone, and now every time I turn around I am pleasantly surprised to find my expectation to catch him at something is wrong, for example when he is out front watering the lawn, that is actually what I find him doing instead of texting or secret calls while sitting in his vehicle. Last I heard of her contact was 3 weeks ago, a voice mail crying "please talk to me", which blows my mind after once again I revealed all his lies to her on Easter day when I decided I had really had all I was going to take and sent her a message telling her to come get his sorry butt.
I backed off of him a few days ago. He seems to be going through alot of stuff about himself on a really deep personal level, and he should be. I feel pretty weird in our relationship now, like I have nothing to say. I finally just concluded that God will heal my heart in his time, and maybe he will use my husband to play a part in that, or maybe it will be something else, I will just have to wait and see. I have gone all through the hurt and anger even worse all over again, but now I am feeling ok, like I know I will be ok no matter what happens next.
I dont know where this is going, and I still hate ever having been taken down this road, but I feel the worst is over.