Struggling with figuring him out... Is it just that he can't... or won't

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2000
Struggling with figuring him out... Is it just that he can't... or won't
7
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 10:07am

I talked to my husband this morning about what I need and tried to get him to open up. Getting him to talk about his feelings is almost impossible. It makes me wonder if its because he deosnt' really love me, or if its just him not being able to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008

Hi dreamtwin,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005

As Ollie said, men and women generally do things differently. That being said, much of what you said is exactly how my wife was after I discovered her affair.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011

any updates? what did you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2000
I had a long discussion with him and told him I was not sure what to do. He got upset with me, said he didn't believe that I didn't know that he loved me. I explained to him what I needed. That I needed him to reassure me, show me that he loved me, compliment me, etc. He said he has done that. I said maybe once or twice but I need it over and over. I told him the pain he caused me doesn't just go away, it might go away or at least dimiish one day but the next its back strong. I think I finally got it through to him what I need. I decided to keep trying to make our marriage work. I'm not sure if its the right thing or not, but I have to try for my kids sake. I can always refile if I need to. That means more money out of my pocket, but at least in the long run if things don't work out, I can say I tried. I may be just setting myself up for more heartache and hurt but I am hoping that maybe it won't be that way. I'm hoping maybe our marriage will be stronger. I just have to get him to open up and talk to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Are y'all in counseling? You do have to be 100% sure whichever way you decide. It helps you to heal, knowing that you gave it your best shot even if you do end uP divorced . And divorced isn't the end of the world, for some of us it leads to a better life
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2000

Yes we are in counseling but I'm not sure our counseler is really helping us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Time for a new therapist. Anyone telling you that you need to trust your betrayer so quickly is not going to help u through this. I would run to a new therapist if I were u. That is, such a red flag. Just my opinion though.