"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop." Herb Stein
All that "you never protected me from your mother" and sarcastic "thank you for taking me back to my abusive childhood" stuff is manipulative crap.
Thanks, you've said it all and our Sunday blow up was a reflection of her attempted manipulation and refusal to take responsibility for the hurt she's caused.
"I, on the other hand, have to keep hearing about the fact that I didn't defend W against attacks by my mother."
Yeah, DW kept blaming me for her actions for quite some time. This is going to take a while for her to fully own up to her end. You owning your stuff is going to be important for your personal progression and healing. But at some point, she will have to own what she did without dishing it off somewhere else. She can't heal herself if she doesn't own her stuff to you in a very honest way, and this may take some time. It took months for it to begin and almost a year out, in our fairly successful rebuilding, I'm not sure we are totally there yet.
Look, her internet affair isn't your fault. She did what she did out of selfishness. There were other options. Therapy for one. Insisting on you listening would have been another.
This isn't uncharted territory, this is a common reaction by a WS. Keep slugging away at it. Try and find fun time, date time or what ever, to balance the serious time. (something I really struggled with, I just wanted to be serious all the time.)
You can do this TM! None of the next several months are going to be easy or fair.
Sending good vibes.
5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008
Status: Figuring it out. Together.
ThomasWe have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.
I have the friends I have because they'll tell me what I need to hear instead of just pampering my ego.
Thanks, at this moment it means the world to hear encouragement from you and from JD.
"She wants to do fun things with me, wants to spend time together. Maybe that' enough for now."
Yeah, That's right. DW said a few things right after D Day that really woke me up to the fact that we might not make it. They were deal breakers. But time sort of fixed those issues with her as she worked toward rebuilding. Time helped her see how messed up that all was.
I hope that works that way for you as well.