Tiger Woods won't help me forget

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2009
Tiger Woods won't help me forget
7
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 12:53pm

So it's been roughly a month since I found out my H was cheating. I had suspicions about it until I showed him all the proof I had and he admitted to it. Since then she (the OW) has sent me a message on Facebook telling me about their affair and how he's had other affairs in the past year that we've been married and ended it with "good luck with your "new beginning" and Happy Holidays".

WHAT A B****!!! This came about 2 days after he ended things with her with an email that I KNEW was too nice but it was sent already so I couldn't exactly change anything. I contemplated writing her back but then remembered that in the "too nice" email he never mentioned that I knew. He just said that he decided to work on his marriage and give himself 110% to his family. It seems that the alleged affairs were all based on the people he speaks about often (which I honestly never trusted them anyway). She made the mistake of mentioning that one of the affairs was a really good friend of mine (she didn't know this) who really is one of those people who would not be able to look you in the eye if she knew that she betrayed you let alone pretend to be your friend. So whether what she said was true or not... I disregarded it just because I know that it could have just been something she made up to hurt me further since he didn't leave me for her (despite the fact that he vented to her how I didn't really love him but that he fit in some psycho- June Cleaver fantasy I wanted. *Unfortunately this was my fault*) but also nothing more could hurt me more than finding out that he had an emotional relationship with her.

So I didn't write back but I couldn't not respond. I decided I would allow myself to obsess for one day before completely disregarding her existence as anything more than a whore. So I gathered as much info as I could including her cell number.

After chucking the fantasies of posting all her info on some sexual bestiality website, I decided that instead of sending her a message on Facebook, I wanted her to hear my voice. Cool, calm and collected so I can be as real to her as she was forced to be to me.

After that, I gave myself 100% to my marriage trying to fix the problems that we have and so far we're talking alot more and plan to go to counseling come the new year.

That being said... All this crap about Tiger woods Affair is just bringing all my feelings of disgust and betrayal back to the surface, especially when they publicized the Sexts that he and some OW shared. I couldn't help but put my H and the whore in the same situation and god only knows what was written between them. As much as I don't want to, anything referencing a cheating spouse just sends me back to the pain of my situation. I know I need to fight against it in order to move forward but it's just so hard... Any advice other than crawling under a rock?




Edited 12/16/2009 2:08 pm ET by bittersweetconfusion
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2007
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 4:13pm

I hope that I am not out of line with my

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Thu, 12-17-2009 - 2:18pm

Actually Tiger was a turning point for me. It has only been 9 weeks since I found out so I am new to this too.


At work the Pathologist I work for was talking about the Tiger thing.

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A baby is a gift from God

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Fri, 12-18-2009 - 9:47pm

i am giving myself 100% to my marriage and trying to fix the problems.

this is a loaded question, you state what you are doing, well, WHAT IS HE DOING??????????????

please do not make the mistake of thinking you have any ownership is his betrayal because you do not. he has a mouth and a tongue, is there some reason he did not share with you the fact that there was a problem? no, instead of confiding in you, sharing with you, working it out with you he seeks for gratification elsewhere.

i did much the same as you are, i worked, and i worked, and i changed me, and then i woke up one day and realize yes i had changed, i no longer existed. i had given all of me away, because i felt it was not good enough for him, but the truth is he was not good enough for me. just look at tiger woods, look at his wife, look at his children, remember his father who he left dieing while he went home to scre* some porno chick in his wifes bed??????, some men will do WHATEVER it takes to get what they want, after all in their eyes it is all about them. and even after doing all that i could do to be better, it was not enough.....................

sometimes we are in love with the man we want them to be, not the man they are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2009
Wed, 12-23-2009 - 9:27am

Thanks sissy... But the truth is he did tell me and I didn't listen. I figured we would always have time to fix our problems. He even told me he will cheat on me but I never thought he'd actually do it. I don't condone his decision because he could have done sooo much to force the issue like um make an actual counselor appointment. He would suggest it but then would expect me to do the footwork so I put it on the back burner. But I don't have the luxury of saying that he didn't try to tell me. Did he exhaust all other options? No

He took the easy one and risked his family in the process. It's a long road but the reason I'm willing to walk it is not because I feel the affair is my fault but because I love my family and he is part of that. I take responsibility for what I did (or didn't do) but I refuse to sweep certain things under the rug either. I have my good days and my bad days but isn't that going to be the norm for a long time? I think so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Wed, 12-23-2009 - 2:27pm

You may want to turn off the TV and radio.

 

Greatly Missed, Never Ever Forgotten

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Sat, 12-26-2009 - 4:06pm

having not been a part of your personal life, who am i to disagree with your acceptance of part of the blame. HOWEVER, i am thinking there were other ways he could have gotten your attention other than betrayal, my mind of thought is there is NO room for betrayal in a marriage. but that is just me and my point of view.

my h, IN RETROSPECT, wanted to sit there and point out all of the things i did wrong or could have been better at when attempting to justify his affair.

i am one of those who believe, if it is that bad, then leave. leave before you betray - that way we are both left with the dignity that we entered into the relationship with. cheating alters us as partners, that we can not deny.

yes, it is possible to build on a new foundation; but it takes many years and great deal of work - but most of all empathy by the cheating partner - to be able to put themselves in our shoes and attempt to feel what we are feeling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Sat, 12-26-2009 - 6:20pm

you know i was sitting here thinking about your message and a thought crossed my mind. if you crawled under that rock - would it surprise you to find all of us there waiting for you.

yes, i am thinking that this tiger woods thing has sent us all into a tizzy. what is making matters worse is the way the majority of men of saying about the tiger woods situation. the men are thinking and saying "no big deal, what the hell business is it of anyones anyway"? ah, excuse me the man has commercials in which he has youth standing there saying "I'M TIGER WOODS!" and espn and men are wondering why the majority of women are appalled. could it be we as women in modern society are looking for men of some substance? men who do not marry because 'it would be good for image'. men who do not sleep with a minagere of whores. men who do not jump on the yaht and take off for bermuda or the bahamas vs visiting his children and spending the day with them on Christmas. men, who when they marry commit because they are in love and want to be there.

each and every one of those women he CHOSE to be with, THREW HIS ARS UNDER THE BUS, with every intention of making money, lots of money. and these are the women he chose to share his body with unprotected. this is how he has chosen to spend his personal time with. i am wondering, with all of the time he spent golfing, practicing, appearances, and screw*** where was the time for his wife and children?????? he takes women home to his wifes' bed? he leaves his fathers death bed to be with a porno vixin (who then takes pictures of his nude and passed out?

too much, and yet there is a segment of society that he is this great guy who gave so much back>>>>>>>> gave so much back, NO, he simply wrote a friggin check to make himself look good.

great golfer, phenom golfer yes - that you can not deny. YET i am wondering what his dad must be thinking as he looks down, i am reminded of an interview with the father who truly believed that tiger the person was going to go on to make a difference that he was a special human being that was going to go on to do wonderful things and make the world a better place. well, we all know that he has made a difference - i am sure there is not a wife on the face of the earth whose husband plays professional golf who is not somewhat concerned. wouldn't you be? i am thinking what will his children think when they some day google tiger woods and see all that he is not. how sad, how very very sad.

i am applauding elin for drawing the line in the sand. for technically saying "hell no i am not going to take this, I DESERVE BETTER".

and while it is hard, we must do whatever it takes for us to survive. if it means turning off the news, off the radio then that is what we must do to find peace.

hang in there,,,,,,,,