Tormenting Thoughts

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2009
Tormenting Thoughts
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 9:55am

My H & i have been rebuilding for about 4 months, at times i get these tormenting thoughts & flashbacks about the affair that make me feel real angry & make me relive the pain. Any thoughts, or suggestions on how to deal with this?

We have been doing well lately & i dont want these thoughts to interfere with our progress. I am afraid these thoughts will get the best of me one day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2009
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 10:39am
My H had an EA, and I get those same tormenting thoughts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 12:01pm
Pound pillows.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 4:36pm
You are probably experiencing PTSD like symptoms (which tend to surface at about this time in recovery) OR it's your gut telling you that something is not right (which is what happened to me w/my H's relapse affair.) Check up on your H and verify as best you can that all is well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2007
Sat, 04-18-2009 - 10:18am


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2009
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 1:24am

I never imagined I'd ever need councilling in my life. What a waste of money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 3:36am
I'd strongly encourage you to share all those feelings and thoughts with him.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 9:21pm

Oh, Queenie, Honey, I am 1 1/2 years into rebuilding and I still am getting triggers that sometimes send me over the top! I have received counseling jointly and singly. I have attended support groups and done studies and workbooks related to betrayal. I probably have the most extensive library of self help books regarding betrayal in the world. I have spilled my guts to anybody "safe" I can find. I am also on medication. Having said all that, You might be thinking I am a super sensitive crybaby; but I am not. People often say to me "you are such a calm, self assured person. You make me feel so comfortable. You must really have it all together". Obviously, they are wrong.

This is a long and winding road you are on. Keep up the good work, dear. Some days are good and some days are bad. Do not apologize for any meltdowns you may have. Call him to task when you need to. Obviously you cannot become a clingy insecure whiner. Try to do that with any support group you can find in your area. Stick to this board. It has saved my life!

You touched my heart with your thread. I've been there and still abide in the danger zone as to fears, doubts and all the rest. You are a lot stronger than you think. You are a lot more in control of the situation than you actually perceive. You will notice that more as you look back. God Bless you. I just know that there is going to be a special place or reward in heaven for all of us who have been betrayed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2009
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 8:59am
Thank you all for your advise & support, I guess we all have an endless list of questions & scenarios that we play in our heads. It is also hard to look at your spouse in the same way again. But i am doing well, the thoughts come & go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2009
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 5:47pm


My situation happened 12 years ago and out of nowhere

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2009
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 7:59pm

hey queenb,

when scooping out these boards this is one of the things that never crossed my mind to post about and i'm kinda glad you did. i know we are all here looking for advice, support and an area just to vent. my situation started 12 years ago and my "H" has been unfaithful..many,many,many times...we are currently living apart(for 4 months) and attending regular counseling, which seems to be going ok..for most, they don't understand why i'm still with him...we've had such a long and nasty past. most of the time..i don't know why i'm still with him and i'm hoping counseling will help me figure this out.

but, all the time i get flashbacks..and because it's happened so's never the same OW i's different ones...different times...different scenerios...i can be driving down the highway and see a car just like one of them had and i start crying...i see him do something in his sleep and i just think of him laying next to someone else doing that same very thing...he has this thing with his alarm clock, when you switch it on, he switches it 4 times..odd..i know..but that's HIS thing and i can remember one of them telling me about that habbit to prove to me she WAS sleeping with him, so everytime he put his alarm on...that's what i would picture.

i have never been able to get any of these out of my head and i'm going to assume that at some point wether we stay together or should start getting better and going away?? maybe if he didn't cheat ALL the time with MANY different women...then maybe it would be different? i wonder too...if we do divorce and i eventually move on..what happens with the next guy? i don't want any of this crap to carry over...i need to figure out how to let it go and leave it there.

any advice or suggestions would be great!