Triggers and Counseling
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|Tue, 09-01-2009 - 7:19pm|
I had a trigger today. I was in the post office in the morning and had a parcel to pick up. There was a lady in front of me, I know her, she used to be my doctor and she has three children, her youngest was with her. A little girl, who was standing at the counter and looking at me, I looked back and smiled and then it hit me out of no where and I started crying. I stopped as quickly as I could and I don't think anyone saw but it was just weird.
So this is one of the reasons prompting me to finally seek counseling. I've been holding off because well I think I'm doing okay for the most part. I'm reading a lot on line and ordered that book on after the affair. We only have one counselor in town and I've know him since he moved to town 3 years ago. He and his wife bought my BIL/SIL house. I was in prenatal groups and mom groups with them. There daughter goes to daycare with my youngest son.
I know he's great to talk to, I went to him before when I had issues with my oldest son. I felt good talking to him but now because of all this stuff and the the fact that I know him, just messes me up. I'm 6 hours away from the city, and I can't make weekly trips there, so I guess I have to buck up and just call but I'm scared.
I'm totally avoiding having to deal with all this. The OW checked into paternity tests and found out how to do it. So H is going to pay for it and do it. He's positive the girl is his and I don't really doubt him on that but I'm not looking forward to telling my family, our life has been stressful enough with them. H is 15 years older than I am and my family has always not seen him in a good light. My mom especially is always making comments in a passive aggressive way about him.
But i've decided that once our marriage is stronger that I will tell them and remind them it's my life and they can not comment on it or the situation or bad mouth my H to me or my kids.
Okay, i'm going to call the counselor now.