trusting woman?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
trusting woman?
9
Fri, 09-18-2009 - 5:10pm

So a bit of a backgtound since I haven't been on in awhile.


My H and my only friend I had in this new town I have lived in started an emotional affair summer of 2006 and by

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2009
Fri, 09-18-2009 - 10:16pm
I'm left wondering why it is trusting other women you're concerned with rather than trusting your H. He's the one who makes the decision to cheat. If he is too much of a drunk to be able to make that decision, then he can't be trusted. There will ALWAYS be attractive women around. HE'S the one in control of whether or not he acts. Unless he gets gang raped by a bunch of women who physically overpower him (like THAT ever happens :) ), HE is the one you need to trust. JMHO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Wed, 09-23-2009 - 8:10am

There is no law that you have an entourage of friends.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Wed, 09-23-2009 - 9:24am

Happiness, I totally agree with georginanna (I usually do, she is a very wise spirit). Please don't allow anyone to make you feel bad about having insecurities about other women. Any of us who have been through something as tramatic as having our H have an A understand completely. I had an experience many years ago with a "girlfriend" and my old boyfriend which left me a little distrusting of women as well; and now, after my DH sleezy A, I am really leary about having women around my DH. I think every M couple should be cautious about the people they invite too closely into their personal space. I have a sister in law who has a "best friend" who is living with her and her H. I see the looks that this woman (so called friend) and my brother in law exchange when they think no one is looking and I can pick up the chemistry between the two of them. My sister in law is clueless of course and I just want to scream in her face GET THAT WH*RE OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!!!!! My sister in law even told me when my DH and I were visiting her that this woman and her H stay up late together to watch TV because they are both night owls. I just looked at her is disbelief because she really doesn't see what I see, and I know that I am not being paranoid because of what happened to me.


So, don't let too many women too close to your DH and always keep one eye open. Also, you and him need to form a bond that people know it will be impossible to become between the two of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Thu, 09-24-2009 - 7:41am

That's quite a story caffeine.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 5:18pm

trust once broken is difficult to gain back.

perhaps, you could move towards couple friends vs. single friends.

but,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,a point i would like to make is this, the two of you are still rebuilding WORK ON YOUR OWN FRIENDSHIP FIRST. you have heard the saing 'first friends then lovers'

it is going to take some time, there is no need to rush it. (finding friends i mean)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 5:38pm
I understand how you feel. After my H's 2 A's, I have lost complete trust in women. He is the head of the place where he works, so when women send things for him or for us as a couple, I often wonder "why is she being nice to me?" "Is she after my husband?" It's not the most fun way to live, but 2 years after his A's, this is where I'm at.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 7:03pm

iluvlife,


Thanks for your reply. Although the situation sucks it feels good to know I'm not alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 7:13pm

georgia


Thank you for your reply. And I have got to say that is a good thought, I have been thinking about something like that too. A side note though on the age thing, I feel women of all ages are a threat because the younger ones are well young lol and my H's AP was 11 years older then him sooooooo, ya know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 7:21pm

caffeine_free,


Thanks for the reply. I am not sure if ignorance is bliss ya know, when I look back I saw all the signs and honestly I knew something wasn't right but I was in denial for sure! I had this bimbo staying at our house too that was when she started saying inappropriate things to him and that got him all flattered, men are suckers!


I believe that is what started it all honestly and that makes me feel like such a fool for trying to help someone out. I have learned something though.....I will NEVER allow another woman to stay at my house EVER again!


I love the evil twin thought, huh :)