Trying to deal with this

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Trying to deal with this
67
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 12:53pm

I have told my story but it has been many months since I posted. I am not able to get over what happened with us. In a nutshell, my husband of less than 4 years set up a lunch with an old flame, had personals with two different sites set up (which I discovered by accident), is still attempting to contact another old girlfriend who basically stalked him after we got together and got married, has tried to set up a meeting with another old female friend from high school, and now spends much of his time on facebook (trying to find old female friends) and now porn.

He says he did not think he did anything wrong when he set up the personals because he never intended to meet anyone. He was just curious and we were already married for a year. He did try to contact someone on one of the sites but she never wrote back before he cancelled the account. He has cancelled both accounts.

I ended up installing a keylogger on his computer only to discover his incessant

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 12:39am
Could have been a mental disorder or just that he couldn't be faithful to any woman. My FIL was a serial cheater throughout their 25 yr.marriage, even fathered other children which my MIL found out about after they finally divorced.when he left her for a woman of 20 in his late 50's. He fathered 2 kids with the young woman and she ended up leaving him and the 2 young kids for a man her own age,never to return. So here he was dumped by the young gal and stuck raising 2 young kids in his early 60's. Can you say KARMA.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 12:57am
Yes men don't do well on their own, It's been proven that when men lose their wives due to a divorce or become a widower, that they will seek out a new partner much faster than a divorced woman or a widow will. Heck who's going to have sex with them, and as a bonus do their laundry and cook for them. I think the majority of them for the most part are big babies that never grow up. What I've seen amongst a lot of the males in my own family and my H's too, is that as soon as they feel they aren't getting all the attention they want at home or their not getting along their wives, they go looking for it elsewhere.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 7:40pm

I have seen karma in action. Today, he was so sick, wound up in emergency. Me, with the physical problems (won't go into them on here) taking him to ER. He is fine, but karma does bite hard sometimes. Hmmm, wondering what I did to deserve what is happening to me right now?

I agree that most men cannot be alone and need a woman. Is cheating a chemical imbalance in the brain or some kind of disorder? In my H's case, no, it is an ego thing, nothing more, nothing less. He needs to know that he can still get a woman's attention. I don't know why he has to look at so much porn though.

He has been good this week with the exception of looking up the old girlfriend. We'll see what next week brings. He will be good on the weekend.... always is because wifey is home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 8:13pm
It's an ego thing with men. Seems like their ego always needs to know "if they still got it" Well have a good weekend Mrs. Weekend Watch Dog. lol... sorry trying to find some humor in all of this ; )
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 8:29pm

Yes I agree about the ego thing.. I have read a few books on ego and how it can totally take over.. I know a few men with egos the size of Mt. Everest and they are in their fifties and constantly trying to pick up all kinds of women but especially young ones.

So have you ever tried to stroke or boost your husbands ego so much that he cant stand it.. ? I had a therapist tell me once that if you dont boost a mans ego alot he will find someone else who will.. To me it seems like some stupid game playing and childish behavior.. I have also read that is why affairs start and porn, etc.etc. because some men need a ton of ego stroking.

YOu know i am very lonely and have no hubby nor boyfriend but when I read these stories I sometimes am glad I am alone.. (sorry)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 10:20pm
I agree. I think in my next life I may come back liking women, lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 10:40pm
Peaceyma
I have often said that if it weren't for the sex thing I.could be a great lesbian cause I sure could use a wife! Lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 10:41pm

Ha ha

I think in my next life I am coming back as a MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 10:56pm
And deal with all that insecurity that you need constant ego stroking? lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 10:56pm
Me too. lol

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