Trying to deal with this

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Trying to deal with this
67
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 12:53pm

I have told my story but it has been many months since I posted. I am not able to get over what happened with us. In a nutshell, my husband of less than 4 years set up a lunch with an old flame, had personals with two different sites set up (which I discovered by accident), is still attempting to contact another old girlfriend who basically stalked him after we got together and got married, has tried to set up a meeting with another old female friend from high school, and now spends much of his time on facebook (trying to find old female friends) and now porn.

He says he did not think he did anything wrong when he set up the personals because he never intended to meet anyone. He was just curious and we were already married for a year. He did try to contact someone on one of the sites but she never wrote back before he cancelled the account. He has cancelled both accounts.

I ended up installing a keylogger on his computer only to discover his incessant

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Thu, 09-19-2013 - 2:58pm

Back with an update.... I divorced my husband after discovering his huge addiction to porn and then putting himself out on a sex site. He was retired and I am still working. Caught him red-handed (so to speak). After months of recovery including a 10 day hospitalization and much therapy and medication, I am out of the situation, putting my life back together and taking care of ME. To this day, he is full of anger and rage toward me for getting caught and says he did nothing wrong. He has threatened me, my car has been vandalized, and many unrecognizable phone calls have been made to my phone. I am being vigilant and very cautious. Luckily, he lives quite a ways from me now.

I don't know how many will recognize my story or remember me. I started posting about it one year after we were married. It just got worse and worse. This board gave me much support and I am grateful for it being here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 12:49am
Good to hear that. Enjoy your time off. My philosophy has always been to take life one day at a time and enjoy it as much as you can, for we never know what tomorrow will bring.












iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 9:23pm
I am so glad you are having a good day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 8:45pm

Good news for me! The latest procedure appears to have been a success! It will be a few weeks before I know for sure, but all is looking good. My husband has been very supportive and has not been on the computer other than to quickly check facebook and his email. I know that won't continue once I go back to work again but, for the time being, I am going to enjoy life for the first time in months.

We have so many issues still to work on, if he will even cooperate. It is my hope that the health issue is now working itself out of me and now I can really concentrate on my future and whether it will be with him or alone.

The support I have received here has been wonderful and I thank everyone who posted or who even took the time to read my story. I know the good feelings won't last, but I will live for the moment right now!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 10:50am
Yep. And I think as we women get older we are just not willing to put up with near as much as young women are to hold on to a man, especially if we aren't getting any thing back to make US feel cared for and valued in the relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 10:37am

ha ha so true..I guess some men would be okay with ego stroking but some are just dogs ...or serial cheaters or whatever.

I am totally shocked when I read about men who have cheated on their wives dozens of times and they have young kids and all. I cant believe where these people are found.. I mean if I had to go around and police a man all the time

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 10:27am
Thank You. But maybre if Hillary would have stayed home and stroked Bills ego enough he would have been faithful. I doubt it though cause I think he wanted more than his ego stroked. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 10:01am

I do need him around for a while. I think eventually it will be over and I will be done. He will have to leave when/if that time comes because this is my home and I am not leaving. He is behaving too, for the time being. He is not narcissistic (my ex-h was), he just has that stupid ego and the thing about old girlfriends, plus porn. I will reach the point where enough is enough, once I get through this next battle I am facing. I love him with all my heart and love when he behaves. But that only lasts for a short time. Gosh, I sound like a broken record.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 9:55am

Yeah; right. I think one would have to do the ego stroking forever because I have seen women hold onto their men with the constant ego stroking.. There is no way around this because as we know men are fueled and some women by their ego.. I have actually read a ton of books on this.. Its probably why I cant keep or dont have a man now because I am not a good ego stroker.. I do know that when I have stroked a guy;s ego it kinda works.. I just dont have the patience or tolerance for it anymore as I age.

oh; and I commend you on your witty sense of humor.. Its funny though because I have seen mostly high powered egomanical women who have huge egos.. Does Hillary Clinton ring a bell (lol)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 9:52am

I, for one, appreciate the sense of humor! I appreciate the time you and others have taken to help me through this and to help me know I am not the one with the problem. Heck, we really need a sense of humor to get through some of this stuff.

The next month, for me, will be trying and I really need him here to help me, both emotionally and physically. He is putting his focus on me and I don't expect to have any problems in the near future. Once my health is back on track is when the garbage might start again. That is exactly what happened and has been happening during the struggles I have had.

In my heart of hearts, I don't think this will work in the long run. I hope I am wrong and he can make the positive changes that need to be made.

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