Two sides of the tennis bracelet...Opinions please.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2003
Two sides of the tennis bracelet...Opinions please.
5
Thu, 09-06-2012 - 1:05pm

So my husband gave me a very beautiful diamond tennis bracelet a couple years ago for our anniversary.  It was more than just a bracelet to me. He had given me one a couple years after we got married, and the clasp broke and I lost it.  I was upset, and he was mad b/c it wasn't cheap for us, but after a few years we joked about how I can't hang on to nice jewelry.  SO when he gave me the new one a couple years ago, I was shocked.  Plus he and my daughter picked it out together, and it was made by a really amazing jeweler in our town.  I wore it every day for almost a year, till I found out about his affair.  It was going on when he gave me the bracelet.   I have not worn the bracelet since.  We have discussed it a few times and how I don't think I will ever wear it again because of what it reminds me of, and he gets very angry.  

So yesterday I took it to 2 very upscale jewelers to see if they would be willing to buy it from me.  I didn't tell him b/c I knew what his reaction would be.  Turns out no one was willing to give me what it is worth, so I still have it. I'm not going to give it away.  My problem is this.  HIs argument is that it was an honest gesture on his part to buy me another tennis bracelet, and that it had special meaning to him b/c our daughter helped him pick it out.  He is VERY good at compartmentalizing, so the bracelet itself (despite what was going on when he gave it to me), has nothing to do with anything else.  I however, don't think I will ever be able to look at it again, must less wear it, without thinking about the fact that he was cheating when he gave it to me (obviously I suck at compartmentalization).  So when I broke down and told him that I had thought about selling it, he got really angry.  

Any opinions on this?  Am i being ridiculous over a stupid piece of jewelery?  The hard part is I can totally see his side, but can't get past my side.  He said keep it put away for our daughter, but there's no way I want her wearing it either.  Just like I never want her or any children down the line to wear my wedding rings (which are family heirlooms).  I feel like they are not good omens.  So now I' stuck.  This is the first day in a VERY LONG time I have been down and depressed about the affair.  It's been a year and a half since DDay, and we have rebuilt, and it's good, but this just got me down.  What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2012
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 7:58pm
I have the same feeling about our wedding rings. He wears his on a chain since it no longer fits. I don't wear mine at all. I don't know yet what I will do with them but right now their remind me of broken vows and they feel almost fake. I feel like a hypocrite wearing them. I have told H this and he understands. I would hope your H can understand and don't let him make you feel bax for how you feel. There is no handbook or guide to the "right" way to process this betrayal. The best avice I can give is not to do anything irreversable while you are feeling strong emotions. If you feel like doing something today, there is nothing wrong with waiting a few days to see if you still feel the same. Let the dust settle, let the shock subside a bit, feel whatever you are feeling, then make rational unemotional decisions. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2003
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 11:49pm
Thank you for all the helpful advice and support. I have put the bracelet back in the box in the back of my jewelry drawer. And just to be clear, he isn't mad that I don't wear it, but he was mad at the idea that I would try to sell it. He thinks I should keep it for our daughter since she helped pick it out. It has a completely different meaning to him than it does to me. And I get that, and that's ok. So I will hold on to it and reevaluate my feeling about it down the road.

I haven't been to the boards in a while b/c I found that sometimes it makes things harder, makes me angry or brings things up again, but the support and opinions of others who have been in my shoes means a lot. So thank you all for your opinions!