TWO YEARS AFTER A--H BREAKS DOWN

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
TWO YEARS AFTER A--H BREAKS DOWN
12
Thu, 09-17-2009 - 4:35pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2009
Thu, 09-17-2009 - 5:24pm

Hi Carol


I had something similar happen to me a few months back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Thu, 09-17-2009 - 8:36pm

lani,


thanks for your reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Thu, 09-17-2009 - 11:06pm

Tsah5:

i have been married a very long time as well and have followed your story.

i just wanted to let you know, i am so happy for you. a spouse who 'gets it' - finally understands what their choices have done to us is so compelling.

while i sat here reading your post i started bawling like a baby. partially out of happiness for you, partially out of sadness for myself. i am pretty confident that my spouse will never feel the empathy your husband obviously has.

i say this with great compassion and sincerity I WISH YOU EVERY HAPPINESS LIFE CAN POSSIBLY MUSTER UP. you deserve it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Fri, 09-18-2009 - 11:33am

I know that was a very bittersweet moment for you. I know that good ppl who have A and realize what they did after the fact can be in as much pain as us the BS. At first, the thought of my pain was so overwhelming that I could not even imagine that my DH could be feeling pain. After all, he is the one who had the A. After D-Day when he would cry (my DH was not a crier before D-Day), I would sometimes ask him was he crying before or after he pulled out his boynker with the OW; but I realized his pain from hurting me was real. Eventually I stopped my cheap shots at my DH because I didn't want to hurt him anymore (go figure).


My DH has had many breakdowns even before D-Day where he has really shown me how sorry he is for what he did. I think it's harder for men, especially men like my DH who

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Fri, 09-18-2009 - 5:43pm

sissyjacks,


thanks for your reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Fri, 09-18-2009 - 5:56pm

thanks for the kind words.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2009
Fri, 09-18-2009 - 6:28pm

That makes me realize just how insincere my stbxw is when she is offering her apologies. I don't think she's sorry at all. I think she's sorry she got caught, but that's about it. She wrote me a short letter. In it she said that she had made one huge mistake. She was referring to the affair. The way I see it, the one mistake she made was not deleting that email. The real mistake she made was really a multitude of them. Every single time she was with him and every single lie she told me-and is still telling me. I tried to get her to tell me the other day that she didn't love me. She won't and insists that she does. But that's a lie and I know it. You don't do what she did to me to somebody you love. I still have some small shred of desire to make this marriage work, but I know that's not going to happen. I've seen the lever of deceit she's capable of, and I don't see it changing at all. I asked her some pointed questions about herself and told her that until she could at least be honest with herself, there was no way she could ever be honest with anybody else. I think if I saw what you saw, there might be some hope, but I just don't see her ever being that mature.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sat, 09-19-2009 - 4:53pm

I hope it helped when he did finally let it out - I mean I hope it helped YOU.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Sat, 09-19-2009 - 8:37pm

hi,


appreciate your response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2009
Sat, 09-19-2009 - 10:37pm

You've been to hell and back. You should be very proud of yourself. I've just run out of sleeping pills. I know I won't sleep tonight. My stbxw was at the gym last night and I decided to keep busy by cleaning up the craphole of a living room. My niece, who has been absolutely wonderful, though I know she's terrified

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