Uggh why is it all coming back now? Really struggling with emotions and thoughts last couple of days

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2000
Uggh why is it all coming back now? Really struggling with emotions and thoughts last couple of days
11
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 11:46am

Ok, my DDay was first of August, things have been pretty good the last couple of months. I'd been able to block most thoughts of what happened and was doing better about getting over it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008

Hugs!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2000
I am no longer friends with her and have blocked her facebook post, I saw it on a mutual friends wall by accident. It was before dday that he supposedly admitted it to the OW's husband. The only reason I question him is because he was mad and said my H admitted to some other women by name, but they were all women I had mentioned to my x-friend of having concerns about, no others. And this was all before I found out that more than flirting had happened between my H and ex-friend. I also realize that my H could very well be lying about it too. Its hard to know who or what to believe anymore. My H and I had an argument about him not letting me know more about what he is doing when he is out of town. I told him I want him t call me when he gets to the hotel and before he leaves and just keep me updated. Teh other night he didn't let me know that he got to come home sooner and I couldnt' reach him and well it wasn't good. I told hiim I need that so I don't freak out and think the worst.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008

I don't know what to tell you dreamtwin.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
I agree with ollie, stop going to facebook - force yourself, don't do what I've done, which is go to a certain web site over and over and over searching for pictures of the woman my DH had his second EA with, since I really didn't know what she looked like other than his description, and in the end why does it matter WHAT they look like. The more often you go to facebook, the more you are thinking about her, and that's poison to you. Your husband saying "she was the ONLY one", what a stooooopid thing for any of them to say, and many obviously DO. All it takes is one, and YOU were supposed to be the one in his life. Get yourself tested today and get that over with, and insist he do it, too. You HAVE to. It's all unlikely to leave your mind for a long time, that's what I've seen here, there is no time frame on any of it to begin with. It's his job to restore trust, not yours, yours is to decide if you can hang in there and see if you can put it behind you or not. But he should be kissing your tush and doing EVERYTHING humanly possible to try to make things right, and of course, there cannot be one second of contact between them ever again, no matter what it takes, YOU will need that no matter what you decide. If he balks, you have your answer. But this was no friend, if she was she could never have been a party to hurting you, she would have run the other way...and she didn't. There's a reason people end up in our past.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Dream- hello again. I can only tell you what I do. I don't know if it's "right" according to the experts. I think that as our adrenaline subsides and the raw emotional pain we live with subsides over the months, we sort of settle back to as normal of a life as possible. It's a new life in a way. I have triggers all the time- might be a movie, a tv ad, where I am at. I try to think about exactly what I am feeling. Is it anger? Confusion? Sorrow? I think that for me my biggest fear is that it will happen again. That maybe I am a fool, maybe I won't recognize the signs, etc etc. this is the victim in me talking. This is the weak, broken person I was.

I always go to my plan when I feel weak, scared, mad, unsure, etc. the plan is as OP have stated: actions are your husbands words. I review what I will do if my husband falls again. I remember I am in control of myself. I have my list and I read it. Kind of like my own 360.

I think it's best to face whatever emotion comes up to the extent you can. I think it's part of healing. I hope that as time continues to pass, all symptoms will lessen. You have been dealt such a huge blow and faced huge loss with double betrayel. Don't rush this. Take your time, give yourself a break.

Good to hear from you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002

I divorced my ex H 20 years ago for having and affair and child with my former best friend.


 


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2000

Thank you Deb, it helps to hear from someone who has been thru similar situation. It has been so hard and being a double whammy it makes it that much harder. The person I would have turned to in this situation is one of the causes of it and I can't turn to her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2000

still. standing thanks again for your reply and advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002

From my stand point of view, I think affairs happen out of pure selfishness, and sometimes I don't think the WS wants to hear about


 


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2000

yes, I think my H wants to just sweep it under the rug, and he says he realizes it will take time to build trust back but yet when I question him as to where he was or so on he gets mad.

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