Visiting! --> pater familia, myradorn ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2012
Visiting! --> pater familia, myradorn ...
4
Wed, 10-31-2012 - 3:27am

Hi all,

Not sure if anyone still remembers me, I was here in 2008, 2009... I have not been here for the past few years actually, so much so that I have forgotten my log in name! 

Anyway I'm Jane my d-day was 06 Aug 2008 (If I'm not wrong, Thomas (pater_familia) was 05 Aug right? I remember you reached out to me so many times, thank u so much!)   I was married for barely a year when my husband had an affair, I had a son.

We rebuilt our marriage.  My husband is so much better now, and my marriage and communication has also improved.  We have moved houses, started new jobs, actively practisiing our religion.... and we also have a daughter to add to the brood now :)   She's reaching one year old soon. 

I got back here because a couple of days back, we bumped into the OW, and suddenly the pain all appeared again, and I remembered this board and you guys.  My husband ignored the OW, she kept staring at us (we were at a restaurant)  and it was all really awkward and painful for me.  It's amazing how, despite it being almost 4 years, the pain can still appear so fresh and so deep. 

How are you, Pater_familia?  Myradorn?  I remember you all so fondly, you really did save my marriage and my sanity.  And for that, thank yous are just not enough.

Heal well, everyone.  We will all reach a better place soon, just work through the pain and take care :)

 

 

D-day : Aug 06, 2008.
Rebuilt. 
Got pregnant, have a babygirl 3.5 years after d-day.  So now we are a family of 4 :)

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Wed, 10-31-2012 - 5:36pm

I thought your name sounded familiar. And YES, I forgot the exact day of my D-Day! When you posted it in the other thread It clicked in my brain that ours was the same. I just looked at one of my old posts and mine is Aug 5th. Aug 6th was a very bad day for me also. A day I remember all-to-well. Ugh!

Sorry about the recent trigger, but it is good to know your spouse and you have been sorting out your stuff.

I really can’t imagine bumping into OM. Would I walk away, take a swing, I just don’t know. I’m glad you brought it up. I’m going to talk to DW about it. She is back in school and it’s like ten min. from my work so we commute together. I’ll see if it is ok to bring up on the way home and maybe post about it.

She kept staring at you? Whoa. Yeah, we would have either left or I would have said something to him. I suspect my spouse has some words for him also. At times she is really upset with him. Conflicted at others.

It is weird that I can write about this without seething.

 Forgive me if I'm getting this wrong but didn't you use to go by rainyjane or something like that?

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2012
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 1:44am

Yes it was rainyjane or something! That name certainly sounds familiar! Lol!  But I can't remember my password, else I can log in using that name!  Thank u so much for jogging my memory!

Yes your d-day was 05, mine was 06, and then there was another guy on the boards whose d-day was in the mid of Aug.  Have you healed well, Thomas?   You sound so much better now, and if you are really better, I am so happy for you.  You have always been a great guy.

OW kept staring at me, but I didn't really re-act.  Strange... I have always thought I would slap her or spit in her face when I see her, but all I was thinking when I saw her was, "Living well is indeed the best revenge."  She was with a small boy and her parents, I don't see any husband anywhere, so yeah.  

I only brought it up with my husband the day after, and we had a long talk about that.  It still feels painful so much sometimes :(   

How would you react?  And how would  your wife react?  Would she be the same as my husband, just totally ignoring her presence, and pretending she's not there at all?  It would be interesting to see how different people react to the same situation ... 

Take care Thomas, and have a great day, we so deserve that!  :)

D-day : Aug 06, 2008.
Rebuilt. 
Got pregnant, have a babygirl 3.5 years after d-day.  So now we are a family of 4 :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 3:20pm
Ooooh, had a similar staring experience, too!!! My DH's first AP initiated the relationship, which I learned over time was about 5 weeks of twice daily sexy e-mails, with her eventually just flat out offering him sex. And it came close to happening. Anyway....I'm babbling. DH knew good and well this woman was planning to show up at a particular car show he was going to attend, He'd cut off contact a couple of weeks before and there was no way in he!! he was going to that car show alone. We were looking at car memorabilia and there I was with my big a$$ sunglasses and out of the corner of my eye I saw this woman standing there staring at us, hand on hip....just demanding somebody's attention, and since I didn't know her, I figured it was his. She stood like that for 3 solid minutes and DH didn't acknowledge her at all, she eventually stormed off in a huff. Later in the car I asked "was that her" and he said yep. Found out he said he realized I'd been right saying nice women do not pursue married men and he didn't want anything to do with her anymore. Did I mention he was stunned - he'd forgotten what she looked like and thought she was a dog. Well, that's what he said, anyhow! But the staring thing is really bizarre, isn't it? I wonder what I would have done if I'd known for sure.....

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2012
Mon, 12-31-2012 - 12:05am
I spoke with the ow and told her she was so lucky I didn't track her down and beat her ass I didn't care if she was bigger than me but I thought why the person who did this is my hubby that fat ugly whore is nothing to me and if she wants my loser husband she can have him I was thankful that the ow was the only person to tell me the truth if I were to see her again I would hope my hubby would see her too just to see the expression on his face he hated her because she told me but he probably was trying to stay screwing her and keeping me so yes it can be a trigger and it sucks sorry t hear that