Waiting on the Indifference Stage
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| Wed, 08-12-2009 - 4:17pm |
I had a major trigger this weekend. The feelings I had took me back to that awful day when the XOW told me that she was sleeping with my DH. We had a visitor from the foreign country where my DH had the A. It was a lot of people at our house speaking their native language. I honestly started panicking and had to walk out on our deck to catch my breath. All of those terrible feelings flooded over me like a firestorm. It has been 13 month since D-Day and my DH and I were doing so well but this weekend was a major hurdle for us. I threatened to go see a D attorney because I said that I cannot take it. I really felt like I was having a panic attack. It was so scary.
Now I wonder if I will ever get past his A. I don't want to live the rest of my life having these major attacks. On a positive note, I don't verbally abuse my DH anymore but I did tell him the next time he wants to play Russian roulette with my life let me know.
For those of you who have been rebuilding is it normal to still have this kinds of anxiety. I wonder how long I will have them. I still think about the A every
- Should I leave BF over ex-WS? 5
- Can't get past his one night stand. 20
- Peggy Vaughan and Anne Bercht
- Set back 6
- Friendship changes after affair?? 7
- Visiting! --> pater familia, myradorn ... 4
- Am I overreacting over woman texting BF? 4
- Two Year Affair and More 1
- A fable about forgivness. 4
- Was I wrong to give green light???? 3
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C. F. I also had a major trigger happen last weekend which triggered the biggest meltdown I have ever had, it lasted a whole 24hrs. I have never ever even attempted to physically hurt DH, but in the end I slapped him HARD right in the face! Friday evening was the first time I had seen the house of his alibi. This was the house where he took the sl*t many many times for their trysts (such a great friend he had)!!!UGH. When I realized I was working just a mile away or so on some of those Saturday afternoons,
I just want to say I am really sorry over there not understanding your post.
Oh, no worries about not getting that confusing post of mine. I had wrenched my back and neck over that last week and vicodin was coursing through my body. I looked back at my post and yup, my mind was all over the place and I was lacking sleep on top of all that.
Oh yes, that was quite the meltdown last weekend.
Was/is she married? Can you imagine wasting 3 years on a hopeless situation,
Caffeine, for me indifference was just a period when I took a break from anger. And the anger did and does resurface again and again. That;s how it was for me.
I just want to say because our husbands were so alike in the sexual choices they made, and our stories were similar, please watch your husband, check his computer. Access tools and scroll down to internet options. A small
Ow was not married but had a long time live-in SO. My DH
Thanks G about watching him on the computer. My DH can't put anything past me on the computer. I have a Master's in Computer Science and have been in IT for a long time. He knows not to try to use any computer in this house. Even when he was in the A he never used the computer. Of course this XOW only needed a phone call every other month right before he was visiting her city to say he was coming to give up her nasty body (TRICK!)
When was dday #1 and 2?
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