Waiting on the Indifference Stage
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|Wed, 08-12-2009 - 4:17pm|
I had a major trigger this weekend. The feelings I had took me back to that awful day when the XOW told me that she was sleeping with my DH. We had a visitor from the foreign country where my DH had the A. It was a lot of people at our house speaking their native language. I honestly started panicking and had to walk out on our deck to catch my breath. All of those terrible feelings flooded over me like a firestorm. It has been 13 month since D-Day and my DH and I were doing so well but this weekend was a major hurdle for us. I threatened to go see a D attorney because I said that I cannot take it. I really felt like I was having a panic attack. It was so scary.
Now I wonder if I will ever get past his A. I don't want to live the rest of my life having these major attacks. On a positive note, I don't verbally abuse my DH anymore but I did tell him the next time he wants to play Russian roulette with my life let me know.
For those of you who have been rebuilding is it normal to still have this kinds of anxiety. I wonder how long I will have them. I still think about the A every