Waiting on the Indifference Stage

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Waiting on the Indifference Stage
23
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 4:17pm

I had a major trigger this weekend. The feelings I had took me back to that awful day when the XOW told me that she was sleeping with my DH. We had a visitor from the foreign country where my DH had the A. It was a lot of people at our house speaking their native language. I honestly started panicking and had to walk out on our deck to catch my breath. All of those terrible feelings flooded over me like a firestorm. It has been 13 month since D-Day and my DH and I were doing so well but this weekend was a major hurdle for us. I threatened to go see a D attorney because I said that I cannot take it. I really felt like I was having a panic attack. It was so scary.


Now I wonder if I will ever get past his A. I don't want to live the rest of my life having these major attacks. On a positive note, I don't verbally abuse my DH anymore but I did tell him the next time he wants to play Russian roulette with my life let me know.


For those of you who have been rebuilding is it normal to still have this kinds of anxiety. I wonder how long I will have them. I still think about the A every

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Thu, 08-13-2009 - 3:16am

C. F. I also had a major trigger happen last weekend which triggered the biggest meltdown I have ever had, it lasted a whole 24hrs. I have never ever even attempted to physically hurt DH, but in the end I slapped him HARD right in the face! Friday evening was the first time I had seen the house of his alibi. This was the house where he took the sl*t many many times for their trysts (such a great friend he had)!!!UGH. When I realized I was working just a mile away or so on some of those Saturday afternoons,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Thu, 08-13-2009 - 7:46am
My indifference came at the 18 month stage--but as you know the flow is not always linear in the stages of grief..... I still had flashes of anger at triggers as far out as 2 years--however they we not as intense and they did not last long. I can honestly say that now I have a few triggers, but they are minimal and last a brief time now---I am 2 1/2 years out. Indifference was upsetting to me at first but it really was a "relaxing" period and I found myself more at ease and able to rest--I mean deeply sleep--and my body and mind NEEDED that so badly--More than I knew. It also added a new layer to the 180--as I was really practicing an abbreviated 180--but the tension was gone cause it was a apparent to my H that I REALLY did not care--Indifference is a good tool, use it wisely--EMBRACE it when it finally shows up!! Good luck and hang in there--
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Thu, 08-13-2009 - 11:50pm

I just want to say I am really sorry over there not understanding your post.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Fri, 08-14-2009 - 1:40am

Oh, no worries about not getting that confusing post of mine. I had wrenched my back and neck over that last week and vicodin was coursing through my body. I looked back at my post and yup, my mind was all over the place and I was lacking sleep on top of all that.


Oh yes, that was quite the meltdown last weekend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Fri, 08-14-2009 - 8:45am

Was/is she married? Can you imagine wasting 3 years on a hopeless situation,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Fri, 08-14-2009 - 9:00am

Caffeine, for me indifference was just a period when I took a break from anger. And the anger did and does resurface again and again. That;s how it was for me.


I just want to say because our husbands were so alike in the sexual choices they made, and our stories were similar, please watch your husband, check his computer. Access tools and scroll down to internet options. A small

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Fri, 08-14-2009 - 5:45pm

Ow was not married but had a long time live-in SO. My DH

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Fri, 08-14-2009 - 6:45pm

Thanks G about watching him on the computer. My DH can't put anything past me on the computer. I have a Master's in Computer Science and have been in IT for a long time. He knows not to try to use any computer in this house. Even when he was in the A he never used the computer. Of course this XOW only needed a phone call every other month right before he was visiting her city to say he was coming to give up her nasty body (TRICK!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Mon, 08-17-2009 - 2:46pm

When was dday #1 and 2?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Mon, 08-17-2009 - 2:53pm
Well, you are a very bright lady with
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